I really enjoyed reading Ali Wong’s, Miracle of Life. I think it talks about a lot of the things that women struggle with in terms of pregnancy and getting pregnant. She openly talks about the miscarriage she had after trying to get pregnant for a month (23). She talks about the questions people ask her after and then bring them up again when she tells them she had to have a C-section (27-28).
I feel like miscarriages are something women don’t talk about enough. Why? Maybe because some are ashamed, or maybe because of things like this “Or in other words, “Hey, Ali, how’d you manage to fuck up your pregnancy??” The underlying message of those reactions suggest there was blame to be placed on me” (23). First of all, why do other people get to comment on her miscarriage like that? Did they not think it hurt her? Months after her miscarriage she didn’t tell people she was pregnant until she was 4 months in (25). I think it’s sad that women have to be so scared of things that happen to other women, that they don’t even want to tell people they are pregnant until they are almost sure they will be able to carry the baby to term. I really appreciate the part where she says that all some people had to say was “I’m so sorry”, and she was upset because they couldn’t even ask her how she was feeling (24).
I thought it was interesting that when she told people she had to have a C-section, they had the same reaction as they did for a miscarriage (27-28). She said it once again it felt like people were saying it was a problem with her body, and like they were shaming her for something, not as common as miscarriage, but still common (28). Once again, I ask why do people think they get to comment on her life like that? Do they think she’s not affected by this?
The things she talks about happen to a lot of women all over the world. Most of the time it’s something they cannot even control. Why make them feel like it’s their fault? We can’t control something that is uncontrollable. As a wise man once said, “Control the controllables” (many people).
I was happy to see that her and her husband joke (for a lack of a better word), about the C-section. She was talking about when he complains about doing household chores, she pulls the C-section card (30). I think it’s awesome that she can make light of the things that have hurt her throughout life. I mean even in her special, Baby Cobra, she was making light of the things that had hurt her throughout life.
Ali Wong is a very strong woman. She has a strong voice. I’m so happy that we read and watched her stuff, because if something like this happens to me, I will truly know I am not alone. I won’t feel ashamed or like it’s my fault. I’m glad that she was strong enough to share her story with the world. I’m sure it’s helped more women, than she knows.
I think when it comes to shaming women it comes down to an absolute lack of education that happens when it comes to reproduction,sex, and body education. We skate by these facts because it is viewed as taboo and inappropriate. Then when women get pregnant or even have sex they don't realize all the things that come with it. They don't realize the probability of miscarriage, or that getting pregnant is really hard if you are not ovulating. I don't understand why kids aren't taught about it in schools. I have heard that "if we teach them about sex they will go out and do it". Okay 1) at least they will be safe, and if they understand their hormonal urges they may not 2) We teach them Algebra and they don't go out and do that I think they'll be fine. Its time to normalize sex, pregnancy so people can stop making naive comments.
ReplyDeleteThe way we as Americans talk about the bodies of women is, for a lack of a better term, odd. A fetus becomes the responsibility of the woman, but the choices and events surrounding the pregnancy are put under a microscope. Choosing to have an abortion is considered shameful. Having a miscarriage is because the mother did something to hurt it. Delivering the baby only to find out it died in the womb garners a slight bit of sympathy, but people still judge the woman and her body, still wonder if something is wrong with her. But when a woman delivers a healthy baby, then who’s problem is it? Regardless of whether the mother is able to care for the child or not, society has deemed the mother a failure if her child isn’t raised exactly right.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad we got to read sections of Wong’s book. She is showing women and mothers everywhere that just because society has deemed you a bad mother, that doesn’t mean you are actually a bad mother. She and her husband seem to be doing just fine raising their kids without any help from the people who judged them before.
I agree 100%, miscarriages aren't something we talk about enough, or talk about enough like it's common. I had a twin who was miscarried before we were born. My older sister also had a miscarriage during her first ever pregnancy, and my mother also miscarried.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up I was horrified that this would happen to me, as it's skipped generations and I was next in line.
Learning about how common they are as I've grown up, especially throughout this course reading about women and their journey's becoming mothers has made me less terrified about it happening, if it were to happen in the future.