Women in fiction always seem to crush on tall men with muscles that could protect them, like a knight in shining armor - someone who could save them as the damsel in distress.
I think we're just consumed with the idea of dominant men.
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So, yeah, I date a short guy. Wait, in actuality, he's about average height for a guy, but I just happen to be 1.5 inches taller than him or something. Now, it's not like I have to stoop down to his level to just smooch his face, but it is enough to where I have to look down on him.
And I'm tired of comments on it. People think it's insane to date a short guy, like it's a marvel only seen in circuses! In fact, I know multitudes of women who have declared, "I will never date a boy shorter than me," like it's some sort of crime. It's even in MEMES - it's that big of a deal!!
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| Exhibit A ;P |
In this culture, men are put more in control and in more dominant positions, and I believe it's being reflected and reinforced in our dating standards. Plethora of women outright refuse to date men seen as shorter or scrawnier or not as strong or more sensitive, et cetera, because it's seen as unmanly or weak or just outright embarrassing.
It's even seen in common dating practices! Men are generally expected to ask out the girl first, text first, pay for the dates, propose, give their wives their last name, but shouldn't these practices be outdated?
We see women make strides in so many areas, like Wong dominating the comedic stage, Gadsby being bold with her story, and Fey/Bloom remaining vocal and true against the comedy gatekeepers, Letterman and Maron. However, women still have not reach equality if we still expect men to hold the door for us and pull out our chairs as if we're incapable of doing it ourselves. We need to take men down a notch in terms of beauty/dating standards and instead both sides of the relationships equal. Even if other people claim it isn't "romantic" or cute, pay the bill! Love a boy with scrawny arms! Ask the boy out first! And take it from me - dating a shorter boy is cute and fun! Women can claim more confidence and boldness if we stop criticizing men for appearing weak and un-dominant and instead we commend women for appearing strong. Together let's reshape our standards and be better women for it.
This post makes a great point. I think the opposite is true as well: men don't want to date a woman who is taller or stronger than them. Height and physical stature are some of the first things you notice in a partner, and if those two things don't meet your expectations, that potential partner is immediately denied. It's crazy how deeply fairy-tale expectations of romance have seeped into our culture.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree and think that some men see it the same way. Taller, heterosexual girls sometimes struggle to date since guys refuse to date women that aren't short. I don't think it's fair to guys or girls when they are rejected just because of their height and I wish there was a societal change to make it less of an issue.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me happy that you called this standard out because there can be a lot of responsibility placed on men in relationships. I told my last girlfriend at the beginning of our relationship that I would pay for her when I wanted, but since any money I spend puts me further in debt, she couldn't expect me to handle her bill all the time. Though, sure enough, one night after eating out she started crying about how me not paying made her not feel special. To this, I got pretty angry, but that's a different story. I also dated a taller girl once and it's really not as big of a deal as everyone thinks. The biggest issue with it is the back-handed comments and judgments. I really do think there's something completely unnatural about our dating habits that we need to reassess.
ReplyDeleteThis was great, Holly!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I prefer men who are more sensitive, though I've unfortunately only have experienced the opposite with every guy I've dated except one. Needless to say, that one guy was the one I fell for, and I mean fell hard for.
Anyway, this touches on something that I don't believe is spoken on much, maybe it's because society has had some sort of expectation for so long? I'm not sure.
We do need to assess the aspect of dating expectations/standards, because not only is dating tall men a common for women to be attracted to (and if you aren't its a crime, like you stated above), but other common standards are dating the "perfect" person, either with the perfect personality, or looks, whatever floats your boat I guess - but this is impossible. I feel like this is something that not only should be brought to attention at large, but is something that should be less common.
Society seems to want to encourage self-acceptance, care, love, etc. but when it comes to relationship standards and expectations, the line is cut and how you are viewed in the relationship by others seems to matter. If we really want self-care, love, etc. we need to show it and not give these common standards a spot in our lives. Not frowning upon those who do have these standard characteristics and have amazing relationships, I just feel as if a lot of people seem to rely on these standards and it's something I've never really cared for.