I have never seen or read Game of Thrones, but I love this quote.
This quote comes from one of the very few snatches of the hit HBO show that I happened
to see when my older sister was watching it. I was reminded of these words in
class last week when we were talking about the pros and cons of
self-deprecation. We talked about how self-deprecation is a defense mechanism.
You should say that thing about yourself first before someone else mocks you
for it, because it’s just easier that way. It is much easier to mock yourself
than listen to someone else mock you.
Tyrion’s quote struck me as an expansion
on this idea. Though Tyrion isn’t necessarily referring to self-deprecation,
his words still define the idea of beating someone else to the punch by pointing
out your own flaws first. Tyrion refers more to self-acceptance than
self-deprecation here. He tells Jon Snow—an illegitimate child (is he
illegitimate, or was that disproved in the final season? Oh well. He was
considered illegitimate at the time of this quote)—that if you “wear [who you are]
like armor” then “it can never be used to hurt you”. Tyrion’s quote urges you
to accept and own your flaws. Don’t put yourself down for being imperfect, show
the world you are stronger than those who try to define you based on your
so-called faults.
This analysis puts a remarkably positive
spin on a very violent and dark television show, but I believe it works. I
think of this quote every time we talk about self-deprecation in class, and I’m
starting to hate self-deprecation. At the beginning of this course, I loved
that type of humor. I thought it was a humbling tactic comedians used to seem
down-to-earth. But, after watching Nanette,
and learning about what a toll self-deprecation takes on a comedian, I can’t
stomach it anymore. It’s one thing to
use your flaws as armor, and not be ashamed of any aspect of yourself, as
Tyrion suggests, but it is another thing entirely to present your flaws for the
world to see, and invite anyone and everyone to laugh at your imperfections.
Hannah Gadsby said that personal humiliation is not the same thing as humility,
and I agree.
My sisters still enjoy self-deprecating
humor. I’ve been trying to convince them that it’s not so funny if you see it
for what it really is. My siblings and I basically communicate through
self-deprecation. I braided one of my
younger sister’s hair the other day, and when I asked her what she thought of
it, she looked in the mirror and said, “I like the braid, but it’s too pretty
for my face”. All of my sisters take part in putting themselves down, and I
hate listening to it. Every time they say something like “I look like an
overstuffed sausage in this dress” or compare themselves to the ugliest
character in a movie, I won’t laugh anymore. Maybe then, they’ll come to terms
with what that constant humiliation is doing to them.
**Shout-out to Aneyla for covering self-deprecation in her post last week! Your post inspired me to do the same**
Vivienne, I really appreciated this post! I never truly realized what self-depreciation did to my self esteem until around 3 years ago. My family is really guilty of using it which is why I think I never realized the harm it caused. I agree that if we stop laughing at that form of humor, as you said about your sister using the humor, we can help eliminate the idea of needing to use it for validation. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this post, too, esp. the part about how you are responding to your sisters. Very sweet and powerful!
ReplyDeleteVivienne, sometimes I feel like my self-deprecating humor is an innate response. Sometimes it just rolls off the tongue before I even think about what I'm saying. I agree that it can be problematic, however, it just feels right every now and then to just laugh at yourself. It's comforting to know I can laugh at myself when there isn't always something else to laugh at.
ReplyDeleteI used to see self-deprecation as a good defense mechanism as well as a way to make everyone laugh. And I still think that to a certain extent, but there are better defense mechanisms out there; like confidence. If you do what you believe in without caring what anyone else thinks, without any hesitation, people will follow suit, and maybe even be inspired. These days I don't think nearly as much about what everyone else will think because it causes me to hesitate on my beliefs, and others notice that sort of thing. In turn, they will, brand you as no longer a credible source if you aren't even sure of what you believe in. Confidence is the new self-deprecation; it's harder to learn, but it's better by far.
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