Week 9: Memento mulier

In David Sedaris' "Memento Mori," he describes the odd “relationship” and one-sided conversations he has with the skeleton he gifted his husband. This skeleton constantly reminds him, "'You are going to die,'" and effectively creeps him out (Sedaris 155). Although Sedaris does not explicitly explain the connection to this chapter's title, "memento mori” is the idea that this skeleton reminds him of his inevitable death. "Memento mori" is Latin for "remember you must die" and describes objects in artwork or everyday life that remind people of their mortality ("Memento mori"). I was going to attempt to discuss some things in my life that are memento mori, but I came up empty. Of course, I get the occasional existential thought that I am going to die one day, much like anyone else. However, I am not reminded of that fact or worry about it often enough to have objects in my life that serve as memento mori. With that being said, I thought about how I could still discuss this idea. After some brainstorming, I came up with "memento mulier," which is loose Latin, courtesy of Google Translate, for "remember you are a woman." There are a number of objects and experiences in my day-to-day life that remind me that I am female, or the "lesser sex." Thus, with this blog post, I would like to share a short list of "memento mulier," or things that tell me I am a woman. 

My Memento mulier 

1. The expensive feminine hygiene products I buy every month 

This memento has to do a bit with nature and the biology of being a woman, but it also deals with inequality. On International Women's Day, I saw an Instagram post titled "If men had to pay for toilet paper." This video included a very interesting experiment in which men had to pay for toilet paper in a restroom, much like women have to pay for tampons (if they are even available). If the men did not have any quarters, they had to post about period rights for women (Okamoto). Here is a link to the video if you would like to watch it. I absolutely loved it! 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9eTfD9nDZA/  

2. I am told to smile while minding my own business. 

Being told to smile is a near exclusive thing that happens to women. (I honestly doubt any guy has been asked to smile by another man or a woman in this way.) It does not discriminate where you are or what you are doing either. I was even asked to smile while completely zoned out around 10pm at Food Lion with no customers. This old man walked by me and told me to smile, in a very sassy way too, even though I was extremely tired and also not even paying attention out of sheer boredom due to how slow it was that evening. As I am typing all of this out, trying to defend why I was not already smiling, I realize that there is something else that reminds me I am a woman... 

3. I constantly feel the need to explain myself, especially if I am doing something "unladylike." 

Just like I was defending why I was not smiling for this creep, I am often explaining myself as a woman. If I am ever in a position of power, which is a feat in itself, I am apologetic or constantly explaining why I am "being bossy." Similarly, I am so afraid of appearing unladylike, that I overcompensate by always adding explanation points to my sentences to seem happy or refraining from vulgar language to seem sweet and virginal. 

4. The fad diet coffee I bought for an outrageous price 

I once bought an embarrassing number of bags of "Keto coffee" in an effort to lose weight. The stress of college and life in general made me gain weight, and I am currently very unhappy with my body.  Society grooms us women to hate our bodies anyway, weight fluctuation or not. Instagram accounts that make money off of vulnerable young women preyed on me, and I ended up buying this weight loss product from one of them. The coffee did not help and was a giant waste of money. FYI this keto coffee tastes disgusting on a whole new level and is basically like drinking liquified butter and dirt. It is great. 

5. Sexist pigs in general 

The sexist pigs I have to deal with, especially at work, remind me the most that I am a woman. I would not have to listen to rude misogynistic comments or marriage proposals from COMs (creepy old men) if I was male. Similarly, I would not have to worry about my safety when certain older men come into the store that have a history with sexual harassment. These kinds of men remind me daily that I will always be treated as a sexual object and a sounding board for their hideously out-of-date viewpoints and ideals. 

In addition to these main "memento mulier," there are littler objects that remind me of being a woman that include but are not limited to: my pepper spray, my spanx, demeaning social media posts, articles, magazines, and other forms of entertainment, my future pay check that will most likely be less than my male coworkers, and catcalls. There are so many more, and I encourage you to share some of yours in the comments. The strongest thing we have as women is solidarity, and I believe that our unity can beat any of the constant reminders that we are not enough. Together we are everything. 

Works Cited 

“Memento mori– Art Term.” Tate, 1 Jan. 1997, www.tate.org.uk/art/art-terms/m/memento-mori. 

Okamoto, Nadya. "If men had to pay for toilet paper." Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/p/B9eTfD9nDZA/. 

Sedaris, David. "Memento Mori." When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Little, Brown and Company, 2008, p. 155. 

Idolizing Dominant Men

Note: I always feel for some reason bad when my posts don't beautifully connect to our current readings. But, they still relate to the class as a whole, so have fun listening to me rant. :)

Women in fiction always seem to crush on tall men with muscles that could protect them, like a knight in shining armor - someone who could save them as the damsel in distress.

I think we're just consumed with the idea of dominant men.

~

So, yeah, I date a short guy. Wait, in actuality, he's about average height for a guy, but I just happen to be 1.5 inches taller than him or something. Now, it's not like I have to stoop down to his level to just smooch his face, but it is enough to where I have to look down on him.

And I'm tired of comments on it. People think it's insane to date a short guy, like it's a marvel only seen in circuses! In fact, I know multitudes of women who have declared, "I will never date a boy shorter than me," like it's some sort of crime. It's even in MEMES - it's that big of a deal!!

Exhibit A ;P

Why is this a standard?? Why are do girls seem to only crave men taller than them, stronger than them, who make more money than them?

In this culture, men are put more in control and in more dominant positions, and I believe it's being reflected and reinforced in our dating standards. Plethora of women outright refuse to date men seen as shorter or scrawnier or not as strong or more sensitive, et cetera, because it's seen as unmanly or weak or just outright embarrassing.

It's even seen in common dating practices! Men are generally expected to ask out the girl first, text first, pay for the dates, propose, give their wives their last name, but shouldn't these practices be outdated?

We see women make strides in so many areas, like Wong dominating the comedic stage, Gadsby being bold with her story, and Fey/Bloom remaining vocal and true against the comedy gatekeepers, Letterman and Maron. However, women still have not reach equality if we still expect men to hold the door for us and pull out our chairs as if we're incapable of doing it ourselves. We need to take men down a notch in terms of beauty/dating standards and instead both sides of the relationships equal. Even if other people claim it isn't "romantic" or cute, pay the bill! Love a boy with scrawny arms! Ask the boy out first! And take it from me - dating a shorter boy is cute and fun! Women can claim more confidence and boldness if we stop criticizing men for appearing weak and un-dominant and instead we commend women for appearing strong. Together let's reshape our standards and be better women for it.

Week 6: All I'm Asking Is For a Little Respect

In my opinion, music is a subversive and effective method of getting your point across. Music can hide propaganda and complex political opinions within a catchy tune. This course about women and minorities discussing issues and difficult realities with humor has made me think about the power of a song, and how anyone can use music to raise awareness of a subject and express their true opinions. In this way, music is similar to humor. Both mediums of expression are tremendous platforms that can be used to bring awareness to problems within society in a non-threatening, communal way. This blog post will highlight songs from the 1960s to the 21^st century that promote feminist ideals, for that’s what this course is all about: celebrating the messages of women who seek to subvert the institution that kept them down for so long.

1967 – “Respect” by Aretha Franklin: This iconic song wasn’t originally recorded by Aretha Franklin. Otis Redding wrote and recorded the song that would become Aretha’s classic in 1965. Redding’s song told the story of a man who felt he deserved more good old-fashioned obedience and respect from his girlfriend because he works hard, while Aretha’s version of “Respect” is about a confident woman commanding respect from her lackadaisical boyfriend. Aretha’s “Respect” was released in the middle of the civil rights and gender equality movements, and it came to be an anthem for both of these movements. With respect between genders comes equality, and when Aretha asked for respect in song, the world listened by spurring on the second wave of feminism in the 1960s and 1970s.

1978 – “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor: Gloria Gaynor discussed the revolutionary idea that a woman doesn’t need a man to be whole in an innocuous disco song. Though “I Will Survive” is primarily a TikTok song today, the message behind it is still as important as it was in 1978. An infectious disco rhythm belies themes of independence, self-acceptance, and personal strength in Gaynor’s hit. Gaynor asks her ex, “Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?”, and feminist listeners everywhere celebrated the way she abandoned the patriarchal rule that a woman must rely on a man.

1986 – “Nasty” by Janet Jackson: A couple of people have already discussed the empowering duality third-wave feminists brought to the insult “nasty woman” on their blogs. In an attempt to degrade Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump called her a “nasty woman” in a 2016 presidential debate. After Trump insulted Clinton, the response from women everywhere was to proclaim themselves nasty women as well, and use the phrase as a call for solidarity. Decades before this “nasty woman” movement, Janet Jackson released a song called “Nasty”, “and the lyrics of "Nasty" show a woman demanding gender equality and control over her own romantic decisions from the men who might pursue her” (npr.org). This gendered insult has essentially been flipped on its head, and feminists today reference Jackson’s song to call attention to the movement.

1995 – “Not the Doctor” by Alanis Morissette: In “Not the Doctor”, Morissette complains about boyfriends who treat their girlfriends as though she is their doctor, caregiver and mother all rolled into one. Girls are often expected to be everything to their significant other, and this is a lot of pressure for someone who thought they were entering a reciprocal relationship, not a relationship where one person ensures functionality and the other is helpless. Morissette’s lyrics perfectly describe the frustration that comes from a dysfunctional relationship: “I don’t want to be adored for what I merely represent to you. I don’t want to be your babysitter, you’re a very big boy now.”

2011 – “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga: “Born This Way” is a song about self-love and self-acceptance. Lady Gaga praises people of all races and sexual orientations in this song. A large part of feminism is embracing all women no matter what, so Lady Gaga made a huge feminist statement with “Born This Way”. There are no hidden messages in this song; it is very clear that Lady Gaga wanted to express her opinions and bring attention to inequalities in the world. “Born This Way” empowers women as well as members of the LGBT+ community in a way that is unapologetically proud and supportive.

            These are just a couple of examples of songs with feminist messages. These five songs are fun to sing along to, catchy, and groundbreaking.
EDIT: I forgot to embed links to the songs when I posted this. Fixed now!

Work Cited

Sanders, Sam. “#MemeOfTheWeek: Nasty Woman, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton And Janet Jackson.” NPR, NPR, 20 Oct. 2016, www.npr.org/2016/10/20/498729702/-memeoftheweek-nasty-woman-donald-trump-hillary-clinton-and-janet-jackson