Just To Be Clear: Ableism Is My Preditor, Not My Disability

Society has a history, or should I say a reputation built around excluding not only people of color, the LGBT+ community and women, but also people with disabilities. This has gone on for FOREVER (more of just a few dozen decades) but this is what it feels like. When you grow up learning about so many of the horrid inequality’s history has a reputation of, and how people with various disadvantages in society have been treated. Well, let me just tell you that being one of those people with significant social disadvantages really hits hard (in the face, with a chair) when you realize just how little things have changed. Didn't see that coming did ya? Neither did I. (I've got jokes for days).

In all seriousness though, of course the things the disability community has overcome alongside assisting for the greater good to enable positive change in society are obviously good, there is still a long way to go.

As the famous Day to Remember song "Downfall Of Us All" states, "It's not easy making a name for yourself, where do you draw the line?" Where do we draw this line? When people with disabilities are finally so excluded from society that we give in and shut up? Yeah, I don't think so. How about NO.

I'm not saying it isn't hard to put yourself out there, to create a name for yourself, it is really hard having to constantly explain to others why ableism is so poisonous to ones' self-esteem. In fact, it's even more tiring explaining how and why it's just as toxic as acting out with racist, sexist and homophobic remarks and behaviors. As Phoebe Robinson states in Chapter 7, "Explaining your life to a world that doesn't care to listen is often more draining than living in it." (Robinson, 156) She is absolutely right, to a T, this is something I express daily. So I continue asking myself where in fact does this limit start? Where can we draw the line for ourselves, for our community? Just how do we go about confronting such situations without being belittled or victimized for advocating and defending ourselves? The answer is simple, we "1. Suck it up, or 2. Hulk-smash everything" (Robinson, 186) pretty straight forward right? Wrong. These choices are so *inserts sarcastic gesture here* gracefully given to us because the people we come in contact with in such negative instances often refuse to see that those of us with disabilities are actually, human beings with feelings! *BIG GASP*

If this statement sounds familiar, it should. Robinson states something very similar on page 186, about so many people not wanting to see or treat black women as human beings. What the actual FUCK is wrong with humanity?! Is there really a need to treat other people like they aren't also human beings just because they are differently unique, or because we don't understand their story? The list here goes on, but I hope you get my point.
No there isn't a reason for doing this, the human race utterly disgusts me.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Women, People of Color, People of the LGBT+ community and the Disability community as minority groups face everyday rejection with a hint of discrimination, but don't just share this commonality of being marginalized groups.

People with disabilities are also

• Belittled (let's not forget hidden and reported on social media BY THE MEDIA OUTPUT ITSELF) because we dare to share the confidence we have built for ourselves with the world. (E.x a young woman I follow who has a physical disability and is in a wheelchair almost 24/7 has had multiple posts taken down because of "Instagram violations." They took her posts down all because she was expressing that disabled bodies, including hers are just as beautiful as the non-disabled (almost naked) ones' of Instagram models.)
• We are frowned upon for sharing our stories, the raw, realities we face (and get this), are even accused of "faking" our disabilities because we don't look or act a certain way. The same way women are accused of being sexist because they stand up for women's rights. Just as people of color, specifically women as Phoebe explains are accused of being racist and "hate all white people" (188) all because she decides to express self-love with the world.
• We have also lost out on job opportunities because of our ascribed statuses, whether that be anything from physical or intellectual disabilities.

Just as in Robinson's book list on page 188, this list is just a taste of the full, yummy inside story of the Krabby-Patty Sandwich.

This meme is supposed to

depict how (not all) but many, many people in society "attempt" (emphasis on the sarcastic "attempt")

 to understand how their actions of oppression and 

discrimination affect those they are directing it toward.

I too, believe it's extremely important that we acknowledge the eager nobleness that many others, as well as Robinson and myself carry, aside from all the negative encounters we face. Though, I can't express enough just how much everyone should also acknowledge how bad these things really make us feel, instead of disregarding it or focusing on just what we go through. These situations that are (let’s face it) endless encounters of back and forth micro and macro-aggression (intentional or unintentional) make us want to hide, but we refuse.

For example, a few weeks ago I had been asked about various skills of mine, as I was selected for an upcoming job interview after they reviewed my application, (a real paying job, how exciting right?!) The administrator and I spoke for quite some time on the phone, both excited as ever. During the conversation she, (I'm just going to refer to her as "Admin Lady") had asked and stated a few things that made me feel slightly on edge, both in positive and negative ways. When Admin Lady said these (not so good but I'm not going to repeat them) things, I assumedit had been out of ignorance. Ignorance on disability and about blindness, and well she definitely slapped on a few stereotypes too. So, while responding to her questions I politely educated and corrected her on the things she'd said that honestly punched me in the gut, all while still hanging onto the excitement that I had a potential job. Admin Lady gave me some of her contact information, we finished our conversation on what I thought was a very good note, and continued with our day. Although I had still been intriguingly excited.
Here's where things get more interesting. . .

After reviewing available times in my upcoming week's schedule the next day, I contacted her, letting her know I'd found a ride there on what days, and asking what times she would be available for an interview for the next week as she wished to hold the interview sometime then.

She never responded and that job said good-bye to me quicker than my last relationship ended. Did reading that hurt you as much as it did me to write it? I hope not.

Anyway, this had been extra excruciating because it had been shortly after I applied and was rejected from a paid summer internship for people with disabilities.

Whether this was intentional or unintentional on Admin Lady's part, it still made me feel unworthy. I couldn't even get a "I'm sorry to inform you but we've filled the position" message.
Through this experience I thought about what could've gone wrong, and what I could've possibly done to not be "good enough." I then came to realization that I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe someone better came along and that's okay. I also hadn't been afraid to correct someone's mistakes and assumptions about me (especially since they hadn't even known my story) and that has made me more confident, yet proud of myself everyday.

Overall, I felt sorry that Admin Lady wouldn't be able to witness the things I CAN do and that I am more than worth giving a chance to.

I could continue (as I've stated in my last blog post) and end up writing a novel about these very things I've mentioned, but I must digress.

In conclusion, the passion for advocacy and equity I hold for things like these will stay alive until (and hopefully after) my fire stops burning. Though, for now I will make sure I'm heard, not disregarded, and as Robinson states "They will know that I'm alive." (158)