Finding confidence in yourself can sometimes be the hardest thing you can do. Every day might seem like a struggle to find yourself and to feel some sort of worth in the world but it is important to remind yourself that life is a journey. You must take every day like another footstep and you will be able to see how far you’ve gone and how hard you’ve worked to get to that point.
I see so much strength in Phoebe Robinson. The way she speaks of her experiences and represents herself on paper truly shows a lot of strong sense of self. I know, from personal experience, that strength can only come from a place of struggle. As a person of color, she talks about her struggles with being “too white” or “not black enough”. She tends to use her hair as a good example of finding herself. Many people have told her to change her hair, whether to fit in more or to look more professional, which she has either done or not. Many times, these comments have hit her harder than you might expect. Her identity changes and she questions who she should be. I think that over time, it is clear that she finds herself and is able to style her hair exactly how she wants to.
Though I have not been through the same traumatic experiences as Robinson, I have definitely struggled with my self-image. As a child, I preferred to go outside in the mud instead of playing with Barbies. I always felt as though my mom didn’t approve or even felt ashamed that her daughter wasn’t more “girly”. As I got older, I struggled to be confident in myself. I didn’t like what I looked like and I began to manifest on certain physical attributes of myself. I wore oversized clothes and constantly felt like people were judging me. I began to remind myself that my mom wanted something different and decided to change myself. I lost weight, began to wear nice clothes, and even decided to wear makeup once and a while. She began to show me off to her peers more and call me “beautiful”. Though this change didn’t make me see myself as anything different than unattractive. If anything, it made me push myself more to become what I thought I needed to be.
Since my childhood, I have found a better me through lots of hard work. I love myself for who I am now, but I still go through periods where I struggle with myself and my self-image. I have learned that it is completely okay and natural to feel negative feelings. The most important part is discovering where that voice is coming from. Most of the time it isn’t even you talking but rather pressure from others or even some cases of mental illness. I struggled with depression for my entire life but never realized it until my boyfriend, Brian came into my life. For the past few months, he has helped me battle my demons when they decide to make themselves present. Brian has helped to remind me that I don’t have to go to the gym every day to be attractive or look a certain way to be accepted. I am lucky to have somebody like him to remind me constantly I will always be good enough. I hope that everybody can find a supporter who will keep you on track when you need them.
It's already hard enough to deal with developing your self-image without the pressure and expectations of everyone around you. I felt pressure from my parents growing up as well. Typically, parents think that they are making you feel good when they compliment your appearance, or your performance in school, but these comments often do the opposite. Praise from parents puts an overwhelming amount of pressure on kids to do better, look better, act better for eternity.
ReplyDeleteI struggle myself with the idea of self-love. I can say all day that I don't care what people think, but sometimes I think I do. Walking down the hall and feeling like people are staring or worrying about what to wear in the morning. I tell myself that I dress for me, and my fashion represents me as an individual, but sometimes I think that if I don't try then people will notice. I think this has a lot to do with confidence. So, my newest goal has been to try to compliment others more often and pay forward love so that others will continue this positive behavior.
ReplyDeleteI struggle myself with the idea of self-love. I can say all day that I don't care what people think, but sometimes I think I do. Walking down the hall and feeling like people are staring or worrying about what to wear in the morning. I tell myself that I dress for me, and my fashion represents me as an individual, but sometimes I think that if I don't try then people will notice. I think this has a lot to do with confidence. So, my newest goal has been to try to compliment others more often and pay forward love so that others will continue this positive behavior.
ReplyDeleteI love your first paragraph. It is short, sweet, and packs a punch. Until the latter portion of last year, I struggled with my self-image without even knowing it. Until I was 19, I had never been in a serious relationship and it affected the way I looked at myself. I had been in a lot of short-term relationships that would last a week or two, but inevitably dissolved. I was looking for anything or anyone at the time. Eventually, I found a relationship with someone I cared about, but now I realize that she was never the one. Despite not being happy in the relationship, I held on, thinking that I couldn't ever be happy without being in a relationship. Since last year and the breakup with my last girlfriend, I learned that I did not need to define myself by the person I am with, or lack thereof. My confidence has spiked and I am now more sociable and outgoing. Sometimes it's extremely difficult to make your own confidence, I grew into mine out of a darker place in my life and I'm happier and more outgoing for it.
ReplyDeleteI love your post so much! I can tell you that I used to struggle with my self-image a lot when I first came to Shepherd. There are times when I think I'm too big in the stomach area or my arms are to flabby and nobody wants a girl with wings trying to fly. Plus, I was the person (still am) to complain but not really put in that much effort to make a change like a diet or workout. Ugh so many bad thoughts I had but then as time went on and tears finally faded away, I finally accepted myself for how I looked and hell even joked about it and just poke fun of it. Like to be honest when I typed the girl with wings I started dying of laughter and started flapping my arms. But overall your post was very well-written, beautiful and just awesome!
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