Before You Make That Joke About Yourself...

I'm stuck on what Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette:

"I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don't want to do that anymore. Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It's not humility, it's humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anyone who identifies with me. If that means that my comedy career is over, then, so be it."

We've talked a lot about self-deprecating humor, but I've never viewed it this way before. I've never stopped to consider the difference identity makes in these situations. A straight, cisgender, white man making fun of himself is a lot different than a lesbian woman of color doing so (I was going to write "than a queer woman of color doing so," but I was unsure if that would have been an acceptable term for me to use. So, I'm asking all you super smart, kind-hearted people--what's the verdict on that word? I'm unsure if it's more of an in-group term or if it's becoming more generally accepted. I tried to do some research on my own and found a lot of different views, so I wanted to hear your thoughts and explanations). There's a different dynamic added to this dark humor when you're already part of a group that consistently suffers from microaggressions. I can't unsee it now.

We've often heard "the speaker matters" when discussing complex topics such as race, sexuality, and rape, but we often don't consider how and why the speaker matters in different ways when looking at self-deprecating humor. Who is often more likely to take part in this type of humor? In my experience, I have often witnessed self-deprecation from individuals who are likely to be targeted and battered on a regular basis. Where do you think these jokes come from? Some are from the speaker's own mind, but some are surely things they've had other people say to them. We can see this clearly in Nanette when Hannah "jokes" about insensitive things her audience members, and even her own mother, have said to her. Self-deprecating jokes often don't begin with us. They come from the outside, and we choose to repeat them (and maybe even in some small part of us, believe them).

Hannah Gadsby's words were monumental for me because I had never thought of the impact that self-deprecating humor has on people who hold the same identity as you. Jokes about race or sexuality, even if deemed "acceptable" because you're a part of the group you're speaking of, are not just commenting on you as an individual. These jokes are creating commentary about an entire group of people. Any other time, we call that a stereotype. We call that wrong. But when jokes are involved, the script changes.

Don't get me wrong, I like a good teetering-on-the-edge-of-being-too-far kind of joke once in awhile, and it definitely does matter who's telling it. But Hannah got me thinking...maybe we should think a little harder about how our jokes are affecting those who identify with us.