Why is it that people always want what they can’t have? Yeah
yeah, I know I shouldn’t group the entire world population into my claim, but
hey! This is a blog and I’m just gonna go for it because why the hell not.
While reading “You Can’t Touch My Hair” by Phoebe Robinson,
the whole first part was dedicated to Phoebe talking about her journey of loving
her hair. Even as young as 6 years old, Phoebe felt the pressure of the world
to fit in, starting with her mother “fixing” her hair with a hot comb on, and I
quote, “…it’s Sunday. 8:59 P.M. Living Single is about to come on. My
mom has to straighten my hair so I won’t go to school tomorrow looking like Frederick
Douglas…” (11). This was incredibly sad for me since I LOVE LOVE LOVE (Yes,
that much) all kinds of curly hair, and an African American woman’s natural
curly hair is SO incredibly beautiful to me. I'm always the first to compliment someone if their hair has gorgeous curly locks.
I’ve noticed in my life that if someone had curly hair, they
wanted straight hair, and if someone had straight hair, they wanted curly hair.
Then, they would always say how their own hair was awful and the person who had
the hair they wanted was sooooo beautiful. And so, the cycle went on and on throughout
my middle and high school years. This is just my experience though, not saying
this is how it is for every person in the world. I know this since I’m one of
those anomalies who LOVES my naturally curly hair.
I have always loved my curly hair growing up, and my mom was
always the first to help me style it with mouse and diffusing to help the curls.
The shorter it was, the curlier it was, and it was so beautiful for me to see
myself with curly hair every time I looked in the mirror. No matter what I
thought about the rest of my body, I have ALWAYS loved my hair and how curly it
is. Unfortunately, though, throughout my life, I would have so many well-meaning
friends and family say to me “Have you ever thought about straightening your hair?”
“I bet you would look SO pretty with straight hair!” and so on and so forth. I
never understood why people wanted me to try having straight hair so badly, I
loved my natural hair, shouldn’t that be enough?
There has been, on record, 1 time in my memory where I
agreed to straighten my hair after my friend badgered me about it for an hour straight.
I was at her house for a sleepover and she REALLY wanted to straighten my hair
for some reason and kept badgering me about it until I finally relented and
said “Fine! But just this once.” It took her around a half an hour since my hair
was really long and she wanted to be very thorough about it. Once she was done,
she handed me a mirror and when I saw my reflection, I immediately knew that I loved
my curly hair 1000% more then what was currently on my head. She went on and on
for the rest of the night about how pretty I looked and how I should “straighten
my hair more often.” The best part, though, was only after an hour of my hair
being straightened, the ends began to curl back up, which delighted me to no
end. It was like my hair itself was fighting back against conforming to
everyone else’s opinions.
Loving my hair has always been a confidence booster for me,
just like Robinson when she decided to finally start embracing her natural hair
once she started college. I never let other people’s opinions of me dampen my
love affair with my hair, and I’m proud to say that to this day, this love
affair is still going strong! Even though I’ll probably have my hair in a bun
for next class XD. It’s amazing to me how people criticize others for their hair
choices, yet they secretly lust after them since they don’t love their own hair,
and yet they still claim that one kind of hair style is the highest of beauty
standards. My hair takes a lot of work; using 2 kinds of mouse after a shower, diffusing
it once I’ve put product in it, only being able to brush it before a shower
since it turns into a lion’s mane (I wish I was exaggerating), and having to
use another kind of mouse on the days I don’t shower to help keep the curls
looking put together. However, I wouldn’t change it for the world, since it
makes me feel confident, sexy, and truly myself. I hope one day, everyone will
be able to love their own qualities without tearing down other people’s in the process.
We need more love and support in the world, and it all starts with us. <3
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| This is my hair after it was straightened. It was taken by my friend from the back, so you unfortunately can't get the full effect. |
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| This is me at my Junior Year AFJROTC Military Ball, and it's one of my favorite pictures that showcase my curly hair. |
I also ADORE your natural hair. I have always been a lover of curls because I enjoy textures. But I understand where you are coming from, every person likes change. New is interesting and just admired. I think it is just in our nature to want things that are not ours, because we have been told we should be different. I am so happy your hair empowers you, cause it makes you you. I think that our society should start understanding and promoting the idea of self love instead of 'self betterment'. We don't need to be bettered, we need to show ourselves love in whatever way that may be!
ReplyDeleteKristina, I absolutely loved this post! I think it's so amazing that you've always loved your curly hair. I wish I could say the same though, since I'm still on the journey to loving (or at least not completely hating) my hair. I have what I like to call in-between-textures, confused hair. In normal human words, my hair is sort of curly, sort of wavy, and sort of straight. I couldn't tell you how many times I've wished for just straight hair or really defined curls instead of the mess on top of my head. Plus, it doesn't help not having anyone else in my family to ask for advice, as they all have fine, straight hair. My hair is also incredibly thick, and I'm lucky if I can even get my fingers through it most days, ugh. Ever since my hair became thick and unruly, I have struggled with it and viewed it as something I hated about myself. And I still to this day have no clue what to do with it, so that's why you see it in a ponytail most of the time. I wish I could be more like you and learn to accept myself for what makes me unique, but it's so hard! Hopefully, I'll be able to look in the mirror one day and like what I see, but until then, I guess I'll just have to stick with referring to myself as a Sasquatch and Chewbacca. :)
ReplyDeleteI have always loved your hair! I grew up with wavy hair that was never quite straight and not quite curly enough to wear naturally. I admire your love for who you are, and the way you don't let the norms tell you what you should want to look like. I always told my friends with straight hair how jealous I was that they could just wake up and go out without having to do anything to their hair. They always told me they loved my waves and wished their hair wasn't so "boring." I totally get what you meant in the beginning... we all want what we can't have. Life becomes a lot easier when we accept what we have and love ourselves for who we are.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I relate so much to the "well-meaning friends" section. I straighten my hair maybe twice a year if that, and every time people say "oh my GOSH I love your hair" and "why don't you straighten it more often" and "I think I like it better this way" as if the hair is actually theirs.
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