What Not to Talk About

Vagina. That's the word Phoebe Robinson says makes people "act like they have ants in their pants when they hear it" (109). Women are supposed to be reserved, collected, and professional, meanwhile I don't have enough fingers to count the number of ball-scratches I've seen on the EPTA today. Boys are comfortable talking about their genitalia by the time they're in middle school. Hell, they COMPARE SIZES by the time they're in middle school. Condoms are given out like candy at Halloween, commercials for Viagra come on so frequently you'd think they're going out of style, and male birth control was discontinued because the participants got headaches. :'( There's the only tear you'll ever see me shed about that. 

I was disappointed when I saw a headline in the Washington Post about a post partum ad that was supposed to run during the Oscars this year but was rejected for being "too graphic." The commercial is for a company called Frida Mom that makes products specifically for recovery after giving birth. What was deemed "too graphic" is the reality for many women after creating a human. I saw this ad shared on Facebook and the top 20 comments were mothers explaining how helpful it would have been to have these products after they'd given birth, but they didn't know about them. This got me asking the question: why aren't we talking about it more? I realized there's a lot of things I've been told not to talk about, so here's a brief list of me talking about them anyway.

1. Periods. The first time I got my period, before I learned how to properly use a tampon, I learned not to talk about it. Even though this is a process that happens to most women monthly for 45 years of their life, it is still taboo to discuss. The amount of times I have said "ugh my cramps are so bad today" and heard "WOOOAAAHHHH TMI! I don't need to know about all that!" is... atrocious. Even in my high school, girls were taught not to discuss their periods. The nurse's office had a box full of cardboard (ugh) tampons available for girls who needed them. The box had a big dot on it, you know, like a period. And the dot was red. You know, like blood. Ha ha ha. The whole point of the box was that girls could come in and take one without having to say out loud "do you have any tampons?" because there could be a boy within earshot and they CAN'T KNOW I BLEED. 

2. Preventing babies. Listen here, one of the biggest scams of my lifetime is the accessibility of condoms and ridiculous price for birth control. Here's a fun tidbit to get to know me better: my OB/GYN scheduled me to have my birth control implant replaced after 2 years and 363 days. Unfortunately for me, my insurance company only covers it once every 3 years, so I have a bill for $1,200 in collections. TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS to avoid a pregnancy. But condoms are thrown out like confetti. Don't get me wrong, I am glad condoms are accessible, but they also break and many people have latex allergies. The real issue here is that I can't talk about it. I am not supposed to mention birth control to men, even my dad, because then they would know I could be having sex. What a sin that would be. I love watching shows about teen pregnancy and almost every single teenage couple says "we just never really talked about birth control" followed by a giggle, because they feel uncomfortable. It's a shame how many accidents have happened because people wanted to avoid an "awkward" discussion with their partner, or they didn't feel comfortable enough to ask their parents how to get on birth control. 

3. Having babies. The dialogue around pregnancy, labor, birth, post-partum, breastfeeding, and women's anatomy in general is often kept closed. Before I ever let my boyfriend touch me, I made him learn and explain ovulation to me. I made him learn what a fallopian tube and a placenta are. A 20 year old, regardless of gender, should know the anatomy of a reproductive system, especially if they are sexually active. Why are we so afraid to talk about these things? Why are we scared to have an awkward moment? So many mothers do not breastfeed because they're AFRAID to ask about it. They don't want to bring it up because its uncomfortable. 

We have to open discussions about these things because they're relevant and important to everyday life. No woman should feel like her biology must be kept a secret as not to upset the other people in the room. I can't even imagine how much I, as well as other girls, would have benefitted from being able to speak freely and openly about my period, birth control, and pregnancy. When celebrities like Amy Schumer speak on these topics, they're commended for being so courageous. I hope that one day speaking on these subjects will no longer be viewed as "bold" or "brave," it will be normal. 

Shammas, Brittany. “This Ad Is a Raw Look at Postpartum Life. The Oscars Rejected It for Being Too Graphic.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 10 Feb. 2020, www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/02/10/oscars-rejected-postpartum-ad/.