I want to start this off simply and matter-of-factly. THIS WILL NOT BE A POST INVOLVING COMPLAINTS ABOUT BEING WHITE, OR INDICATING I HAVE EXPERIENCED ANY TYPE OF HARDSHIP BECAUSE OF MY SKIN.
While reading Phoebe Robinson's "How to Avoid Being the Black Friend" piece, I found (I don't want to say parallels so I'm about to make up a word) perpendicularisms of me being the white one in an otherwise black group of friends. I mentioned my best friend Chevelle in my last post, and she'll be a large part of this one too. My junior year my friend group was as follows: Me, Chevelle, Jatalia, Simone, and Kydadah. Since then, Jatalia is the only one who is still a student here (the rest graduated or transferred, so proud of them!!!). I would say the best way to describe my friendship with these ladies would be as a learning experience. Every day I heard about issues that would never affect me, perspectives I would never think of, and stories I'll remember forever. Probably the most painful one I experienced happened one day when Chevelle and I went to Nutter's. If you've never been, Nutter's is a very cheap, mom and pop ice cream shop in Sharpsburg, Maryland. Sharpsburg is just over the bridge into Maryland but it's like a completely different world, it just feels different there. (In other words, Sharpsburg fails the vibe check every time.) Sharpsburg is known for being a tad unwelcoming to black people (*cough cough* racist), and apparently there is an active chapter of the KKK there (charming, I know). Chevelle and I went to Nutter's often and took advantage of the $5 price for a quart of hand-scooped ice cream. One warm day, the line was out the door, as we had seen before. As we were standing on the sidewalk, I noticed Chevelle looking around a lot. I asked if she was okay and she quickly responded, "I'm uncomfortable." I could've angry cried right there. She felt like a spectacle, waiting for fucking ice cream. Every time we had gone before, I was on the defensive, ready for anyone to TRY ME by coming after Chevelle, but this time hit different. I asked if she wanted to leave and she said we could wait, but every time we went after that I was always in fight-or-flight mode.
I'll never experience the discomfort Chevelle felt that day, or that so many black people experience every day, just because we look different. Every time I see white people adopting (appropriating) aspects of black culture I think of a phrase I often see on Twitter, "Everyone wants to be black until it's time to be black." Meaning, non-black people want to utilize the "trendy" aspects of blackness such as: hairstyles, African-American Vernacular English (AAVE), or rapping every word to DaBaby's latest song; without the real life parts of being black. Being the white girl in my friend group taught me things I'll always be grateful for, and it made me better. I'll never be able to put myself in their shoes, but I can walk beside them.
I think the last line of your post was very inspiring, since it says that while you can never experience what they do, your going to stand beside them and advocate for them however you can. The fact that African-American individuals still experience so much racism in our "supposedly" post-racial world is sickening and unacceptable. The only way to get change is demand it, and I have a feeling our generation and all of the following one's have that notion in mind, hopefully.
ReplyDeleteI knew coming into this post that this wasn’t going to be you complaining about being white, but clarifying it right at the beginning definitely set the tone for this. You’re right: no one who is non-black truly understands how those in the black community are treated. I feel uncomfortable in situations where I think I’m on display and vulnerable, but I know that the times I feel like this are probably less common than those in the black community. I used to think I understood how it felt, since I’m in a couple of different marginalized groups myself, but I’ve found that no group experiences things in the same way. While every marginalized group has several things in common (i.e. verbal and physical harm thrown their way, micro-aggressions, etc.), a Jewish person is not going to be able to speak from the perspective of a black person unless they are both Jewish and black, and even so, their own experience is completely different. You made some really awesome points here-great job!
ReplyDeleteI love this Alison *insert teary-eyed emoji* The last line hit me like a DAGGER. I just want to say that you have taught me so much in the short time I've known you. You're so quick to hold people accountable for their racist, sexist, insensitive behavior in a way that is so bold and graceful and inspiring, and it's given me the courage to speak my truth more. Being around you makes me feel so comfortable and understood, and long story short, I JUST LOVE YOU.
ReplyDeleteReally lovely post and terrific comments. You all make me happy and give me hope!
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