Fanny Fern Would Be Extremely Disappointed

Welcome to 2020. I think fanny fern would be extremely disappointed in so many people this week. Actually, let me correct that, she would be disappointed in so many women this week. Fern didn’t expect the men in her life to behave in a manner that was supportive of women. She took it upon herself to be a trail blazer instead. She did, however, expect women to be bold enough to go out in pants, and stand up for their rights. Let me explain to you why she would be disappointed.

This past weekend was the Superbowl, a famous American past time. Yet, I didn’t see a bunch of online posts about how the forty-niners totally had it until they gave up during the third quarter, or how someone who’s only been a starting quarter back for two years just managed to carry his team to a Superbowl win. There wasn’t even much talk about how the first woman coach in history made it to the Superbowl. Instead I see a million posts and comments about Jennifer Lopez and Shakira shaking their asses on tv. My question is, why does everyone care so much? If I was fifty years old and I had a butt like that, you bet I’d be shaking it on national television. It seems everyone forgot about the fact that they are performers, and that every year someone gets up on the stage in the middle of the large, green field, half-clothed, and dances. Now this obviously isn’t the first time people have complained about it. We all remember Janet Jackson’s nipple. These posts bothered me as much as they did because a common theme I saw, was people commenting on why women still felt the need to perform like this. I’m sorry but the NEED to perform like this! Are you kidding me? 

The whole point was that they didn’t have too, they could. We can, for one second, acknowledge that yes, there technically could have been some push from their managers to pole dance, because that’s what most of the American men watching football want to see for their half time performance. Still, why must it be insinuated? Can we instead believe that maybe that’s what this woman wanted to do? That she put a ton of effort and time into learning how to pole dance for that multimillion-dollar movie of hers, and thought hey I could do that here.  Let’s talk about the fact that people commented something along the lines of, in the wake of the me-too movement I would’ve expected better. Well I’m sorry Karen, but since you’re so woke about the me-too movement, I would’ve thought you’d be more supportive. I honestly thought there would be more people happy about seeing two, middle-aged women, who are of different backgrounds than the performers we usually see, on stage. Also, if we’re being honest, Shakira wore more clothes than I’ve seen her wear in a long time, yet no one’s talking about that.

Going along with the theme of berating famous women with big butts, let’s talk about Mindy Kaling. I must admit before we read this book I wasn’t a fan of hers. The characters she plays tend to annoy me so I kind of wrote her off. Unlike Karen up there I will admit my fault. Mindy is way funnier and more relatable than I ever thought she could be. She even made me want to attend her dinner party. One of the first things Kaling talks about in the introduction of her book, is how nervous she was to start at a new school. She writes, “On the first day, I was so anxious to make friends, I brought a family-size bag of Skittles to homeroom so I could pass them out and entice my new classmates to like me” (3). If that doesn’t make you immediately fall in love with Mindy Kaling the rest of the book will. I realized when Hess wrote about Kalings “razor-edged girliness”, that maybe this was my problem all along. She is unapologetically girly, in a way much different than Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are. Once you get used to it, you can appreciate her for the hilarious human being she is. I was too quick to judge Mindy Kaling. Just like all the soccer moms, with flat asses, that are jealous their husbands enjoyed watching two women older than them strut their stuff.