Week 4: 4 Reasons Why I Will Always Carry Pepper Spray

Note for the reader: all discussed events are completely true and have shaped how I am as a person, as a woman.

When I was reading Barreca’s piece, They Used to Call Me Snow White, I noticed two very strong statements that she very quickly brushed over, and I want to talk about them. Barreca makes the comment, “… but just don’t tell them that you know a joke that they won’t get. They’ll kill you” (9). Barreca also brings in the point of saying, “If you disagree, you will make him nervous and defensive…” (10). These two statements are so important because it is the harsh reality that most of us have to deal with, but no one ever truly talks about it (at least of my knowledge). In recent times, I try to approach every situation with Amy Poehler’s mentality, “I don’t care if you fucking like it,” but what happens if I say that to the wrong person (Fey, 143)? Well, let me explain 4 possible outcomes based on my own personal experiences (all of which are in chronological order of when they happened).

Experience 1: When I was in 7^th grade, I was walking down the hallway, minding my own business, trying to get to class. Well in this particular hallway, you walked between two walls of lockers and in the process of me walking past the lockers, I felt someone hit slap my ass, to say the least. I immediately swung around and confronted the culprit. In the process of standing up for myself, this guy had the audacity to start unleashing hell’s fury of rude comments onto me. I wish I could say I just walked away and ignored his words. But the sad reality was, I was a young, impressionable middle schooler, and his words did hurt. However, I took care of the scenario to the best of my ability and reported it to a trusted teacher, and the student was disciplined.

Experience 2: When I was 14, I had gone to the mall with my mom before we were going to meet my dad for lunch. She needed to stop to pick something up. For context, that day I had on a pair of mid-thigh shorts (it was mid-July), a tank top and a flannel for when I got cold. Anyways, we had walked into the store and I decided to go look at some new book options, at this point, I was maybe 5 feet away from my mom. Well, that apparently didn’t matter because this man approached me and tried talking to me. Immediately my mind was engaged in my fight mode because you know, stranger danger! I ignored him and attempted to walk away towards my mom, but he cut me off and ATTEMPTED to grab me, emphasis on the second attempted. At this point, my dad had made it to the mall and walked up behind me. My dad is a relatively scary looking person (or so I’ve been told, he’s a giant teddy bear to me), but in his uniform (he’s a cop) he’s even more intimidating. The guy immediately ran away from us and out of the store. My dad told the mall security what happened, and the guy was arrested in the end, because I wasn’t the first girl he had tried to grab.

Experience 3: When I was 15, I had started my first job ever! (Very exciting I know) I was working in a small food shop (not going to name it, sorry :/) that was located near a hotel. Now, this hotel was/is a commonplace of residence for non-local construction workers (this is important). There was a guy that started coming into the store almost every day, essentially becoming a regular. One day, he decided to hit on me and ask for my number (I was 15). I quickly told him no and he left. I hoped that had been the end of it, but boy was I greatly mistaken. No, he came in EVERY DAY looking for me, even on my days off. It got to the point he started asking for my work schedule from my managers (obviously they didn’t give it to him). When I did work, my manager and I would always watch the cameras right before he came in, and as soon as we saw him on screen, I moved far into the back and stayed like that until he left. After a month or so, he stopped coming in and we found out his crew had left town because their job was done. I was relieved to not have to hide in the very claustrophobic, inducing back room anymore.

Experience 4: At this point in my life, I was 18 and I had become a VERY hyper-vigilant person. Basically, meaning that I was/am always looking for danger in ANY scenario I am in, regardless of who I am with. So, when I was preparing to leave to go to WVU, I thought I was ready to handle anything that was thrown at me, but that still didn’t stop the fear and comfortability I felt walking back to my dorm every night. One night, it was like 10:30, I had just gotten out of an exam (I failed it, lol. That’s okay it was calculus) and I started making the horrendous journey back to my dorm building. It was a rough walk in itself, but with a heavy backpack, WHEW my calves were killing me! ANYWHO, when I was walking back, I heard this voice call out to me. It was a very disgusting catcall that I refuse to repeat. I ignored the voice and kept walking, I just wanted to get home. Well, this is where my hyper-vigilance kicked in. I started getting this feeling that someone was watching me/ following me. So, to make sure I didn’t make it obvious, I walked in front of this building and looked in the windows at the space behind me. And sure, enough the was someone following me, and it was the guy from before. I immediately started moving quickly and pervasively to get rid of him. I didn’t want him to know where I lived, so I took LOTS of twists and turns and eventually lost him. Before walking to my building, I triple checked that he wasn’t around, and I booked it. I made it safely to my room and devoured myself in comfort food, in an attempt to calm down.

I know this is a lot of sad, scary and shocking information, but I strongly believe it needs to be talked about. There needs to be more discussion on the matter. I am lucky enough to be taught, by my father, self-defense moves, fighting tactics, and to inherit his hyper-vigilance. But I know there are others who aren’t as lucky.

However, the questions I have are, when does it stop? When do we, as a society, stop blaming the victims and start effectively punish the offender? Why do we condone this type of behavior from the offenders? I am tired of always having to be cautious of my surroundings. I am tired of having to carry my pepper spray ready to retaliate an attack. There is a need for a change, and that time is now!

To make up for the very intense blog please enjoy these pictures of my animals!