Week 9: Memento mulier

In David Sedaris' "Memento Mori," he describes the odd “relationship” and one-sided conversations he has with the skeleton he gifted his husband. This skeleton constantly reminds him, "'You are going to die,'" and effectively creeps him out (Sedaris 155). Although Sedaris does not explicitly explain the connection to this chapter's title, "memento mori” is the idea that this skeleton reminds him of his inevitable death. "Memento mori" is Latin for "remember you must die" and describes objects in artwork or everyday life that remind people of their mortality ("Memento mori"). I was going to attempt to discuss some things in my life that are memento mori, but I came up empty. Of course, I get the occasional existential thought that I am going to die one day, much like anyone else. However, I am not reminded of that fact or worry about it often enough to have objects in my life that serve as memento mori. With that being said, I thought about how I could still discuss this idea. After some brainstorming, I came up with "memento mulier," which is loose Latin, courtesy of Google Translate, for "remember you are a woman." There are a number of objects and experiences in my day-to-day life that remind me that I am female, or the "lesser sex." Thus, with this blog post, I would like to share a short list of "memento mulier," or things that tell me I am a woman. 

My Memento mulier 

1. The expensive feminine hygiene products I buy every month 

This memento has to do a bit with nature and the biology of being a woman, but it also deals with inequality. On International Women's Day, I saw an Instagram post titled "If men had to pay for toilet paper." This video included a very interesting experiment in which men had to pay for toilet paper in a restroom, much like women have to pay for tampons (if they are even available). If the men did not have any quarters, they had to post about period rights for women (Okamoto). Here is a link to the video if you would like to watch it. I absolutely loved it! 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9eTfD9nDZA/  

2. I am told to smile while minding my own business. 

Being told to smile is a near exclusive thing that happens to women. (I honestly doubt any guy has been asked to smile by another man or a woman in this way.) It does not discriminate where you are or what you are doing either. I was even asked to smile while completely zoned out around 10pm at Food Lion with no customers. This old man walked by me and told me to smile, in a very sassy way too, even though I was extremely tired and also not even paying attention out of sheer boredom due to how slow it was that evening. As I am typing all of this out, trying to defend why I was not already smiling, I realize that there is something else that reminds me I am a woman... 

3. I constantly feel the need to explain myself, especially if I am doing something "unladylike." 

Just like I was defending why I was not smiling for this creep, I am often explaining myself as a woman. If I am ever in a position of power, which is a feat in itself, I am apologetic or constantly explaining why I am "being bossy." Similarly, I am so afraid of appearing unladylike, that I overcompensate by always adding explanation points to my sentences to seem happy or refraining from vulgar language to seem sweet and virginal. 

4. The fad diet coffee I bought for an outrageous price 

I once bought an embarrassing number of bags of "Keto coffee" in an effort to lose weight. The stress of college and life in general made me gain weight, and I am currently very unhappy with my body.  Society grooms us women to hate our bodies anyway, weight fluctuation or not. Instagram accounts that make money off of vulnerable young women preyed on me, and I ended up buying this weight loss product from one of them. The coffee did not help and was a giant waste of money. FYI this keto coffee tastes disgusting on a whole new level and is basically like drinking liquified butter and dirt. It is great. 

5. Sexist pigs in general 

The sexist pigs I have to deal with, especially at work, remind me the most that I am a woman. I would not have to listen to rude misogynistic comments or marriage proposals from COMs (creepy old men) if I was male. Similarly, I would not have to worry about my safety when certain older men come into the store that have a history with sexual harassment. These kinds of men remind me daily that I will always be treated as a sexual object and a sounding board for their hideously out-of-date viewpoints and ideals. 

In addition to these main "memento mulier," there are littler objects that remind me of being a woman that include but are not limited to: my pepper spray, my spanx, demeaning social media posts, articles, magazines, and other forms of entertainment, my future pay check that will most likely be less than my male coworkers, and catcalls. There are so many more, and I encourage you to share some of yours in the comments. The strongest thing we have as women is solidarity, and I believe that our unity can beat any of the constant reminders that we are not enough. Together we are everything. 

Works Cited 

“Memento mori– Art Term.” Tate, 1 Jan. 1997, www.tate.org.uk/art/art-terms/m/memento-mori. 

Okamoto, Nadya. "If men had to pay for toilet paper." Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/p/B9eTfD9nDZA/. 

Sedaris, David. "Memento Mori." When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Little, Brown and Company, 2008, p. 155. 

The Hidden Meaning and Power Behind Names

            The other day, I was doing the readings for Ali Wong and noticed that she would call out her daughters’ names in her book to remind them that she is specifically speaking to them. This got me thinking about the huge impact of names that society seems to skip over. Names are intimate and they mean something. Instinctually, if we hear our name called, we turn our head before it has even registered in our mind what has happened. My dad’s biggest piece of advice when going to college was to learn everyone’s names and use them when I saw them next. This shows them that you were impressed enough by the first time you met to commit their name to heart, making them feel special. It also immediately puts you on a more intimate level with someone, “first-name-basis.”

            At some point in time, someone gave you your name because it meant something to them. Often because they knew someone who they’d like to see as a role model for you. Maybe simply because they thought it sounded pretty or strong. Names means something, no one is going to name their child after a terrible person, which would be completely demoralizing (but also somewhat twistedly funny). Jenny Slate comments about her name in her comedy special Stage Fright saying that she thinks that her name has attributed to the bouncy personality she portrays. She explains, “Whereas if I were Susan, this is how I would enter a room. I’d be like, ‘Okay, let’s get started! (kicks door) JK, we’re already done. Get to bed!” Obviously, though, her bouncy, nicknamey name has done a lot for her and her comedy career. The fact that she is bouncy makes her lovable on stage and shows that she loves what she’s doing.

            I am the oldest of four boys in my family and while my parents were having kids, I would think to myself, “This is it. It’s got to be a girl this time. The odds are stacked in my favor.” Since that never happened, I have pretty much decided that I don’t want to stop having kids until I’ve had a daughter. On Tuesday, I was listening to “Dear Prudence” by The Beatles, my favorite band. I thought to myself that prudence is such a pretty word, but I wasn’t completely sure of its meaning, so I looked it up. Prudent, the root of the word, is defined as “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” That is just beautiful to me. I immediately stopped the song and turned to my girlfriend and asked, “What do you think of the name Prudence Olivia for a girl? And we would just call her Pru.” To my pleasure, she seemingly loved it just as much as I do. BTW, I am not expecting a baby anytime soon, let’s just say I’m prudent.

            This post is somewhat a call to action. First, to find the meaning in your own name if you don’t already know. You might find out something you like about yourself that you didn’t know; someone liked it. Second, Recognize the meaning and value to other people’s names. Listen to, and memorize, the names of others when you’re introduced to create a more intimate and dependable relationship. It makes people feel better about themselves knowing you took the time. Lastly, please listen to The Beatles. If you haven’t already heard, they’re kind of a big deal.

What Takes Up More Room in My Closet: Me, or My Shoes?

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