When times arise in which I feel absolutely degraded because of a reaction from someone else I think to myself. Why must I, alongside other women have to feel as if we are set to live by the expectations and standards of what is (lets face it), lucidly expressed sexism? for lack of a better word. The answer is as clear as this "loosely inserted" micro-penis joke. Many, many women are taught or raised in belief that they must abide by gendered rules of society, that if these specific norms are broken that they will or could lead less forfilling lives. What a bunch of absolute poppycock, complete rubbish this is. What do I mean by that? Well, (and this is my Sociology brain working) could be explained in various ways, so here goes my exaplanation of what exactly "living by specific norms" is meaning here.
I was not raised to believe a man would benefit my life, my grandmother believed much more could come out of life, although society may still not always think so. I was however, very exposed by people (my mother) who lived by that without a man, I couldn't be as independent, financially stable, the list goes on. What makes it even more intriguing is all these men were very abusive, not just to their partner, but to me and my siblings (but we'll leave all those extra juicy details out). These were also the prime examples of what NOT to live by, in which I have and to this day still strongly believe no one should ever have to endure such experiences. Going back to my first question, how could my own mother want me to abide and live by these expectations if they involve such drastic physical, emotional and mental harm? So many other questions I wanted to ask her. She must have wanted better for me, right? This is the same question I came to asking my grandmother.
Her answer? She expressed that although there are great differences between generations, hers, her children's and ours that none of her children were raised to such low standards as we had been exposed to. She then went on to explaining about past trauma's of my mother after her first marriage, etc. in which helped me to understand more of the situation. Anyway, she also expressed that although she'd hoped her children made great lives for themselves, that she'd began to realize not all of them cared if she, nor anyone else had like nor supported what they did. This is in fact a good thing to live by, but I also believe that those actions have a significant affect on not only the person involved, but on others as well (i.e. Are you harming someone else by your actions?, Was trauma a result of the behavioral shift?, etc.) As I'm trying not to get too off track, nor get too personal in explaining these things, this had led me to the realization that if I decided I was going to make a better life for myself I would, overcoming traumas and building confidence would be hard, but not impossible to do, such as saying "no", or "I don't care if you fucking like it, this is MY life." In which Fey's "I don't care if you like it" piece spoke to me on a very personal level.
In conclusion, we as women have always endured many obstacles in society, think back to the Salem Witch Trials and just how many women were eledgedly "Evil Witches" because they were attempting to help benefit someone else's life with the tools they had? BUT were also clearly violating the rules women were to live by, which resulted in many tragic deaths. Though I know societies have changed since then, woman as a whole are still held to so many standards, and when we do something out of the norm, so many more people know about it.
Furthermore, I think it's important to be aware and express how powerful it is when one stands and says "I don't care if you/they like it!" It speaks volumes and is so much more empowering than many believe it to be. This isn't a post calling out all men, just one expressing the importance of standing up for ourselves and one another as women.
I was not raised to believe a man would benefit my life, my grandmother believed much more could come out of life, although society may still not always think so. I was however, very exposed by people (my mother) who lived by that without a man, I couldn't be as independent, financially stable, the list goes on. What makes it even more intriguing is all these men were very abusive, not just to their partner, but to me and my siblings (but we'll leave all those extra juicy details out). These were also the prime examples of what NOT to live by, in which I have and to this day still strongly believe no one should ever have to endure such experiences. Going back to my first question, how could my own mother want me to abide and live by these expectations if they involve such drastic physical, emotional and mental harm? So many other questions I wanted to ask her. She must have wanted better for me, right? This is the same question I came to asking my grandmother.
Her answer? She expressed that although there are great differences between generations, hers, her children's and ours that none of her children were raised to such low standards as we had been exposed to. She then went on to explaining about past trauma's of my mother after her first marriage, etc. in which helped me to understand more of the situation. Anyway, she also expressed that although she'd hoped her children made great lives for themselves, that she'd began to realize not all of them cared if she, nor anyone else had like nor supported what they did. This is in fact a good thing to live by, but I also believe that those actions have a significant affect on not only the person involved, but on others as well (i.e. Are you harming someone else by your actions?, Was trauma a result of the behavioral shift?, etc.) As I'm trying not to get too off track, nor get too personal in explaining these things, this had led me to the realization that if I decided I was going to make a better life for myself I would, overcoming traumas and building confidence would be hard, but not impossible to do, such as saying "no", or "I don't care if you fucking like it, this is MY life." In which Fey's "I don't care if you like it" piece spoke to me on a very personal level.
In conclusion, we as women have always endured many obstacles in society, think back to the Salem Witch Trials and just how many women were eledgedly "Evil Witches" because they were attempting to help benefit someone else's life with the tools they had? BUT were also clearly violating the rules women were to live by, which resulted in many tragic deaths. Though I know societies have changed since then, woman as a whole are still held to so many standards, and when we do something out of the norm, so many more people know about it.
Furthermore, I think it's important to be aware and express how powerful it is when one stands and says "I don't care if you/they like it!" It speaks volumes and is so much more empowering than many believe it to be. This isn't a post calling out all men, just one expressing the importance of standing up for ourselves and one another as women.
I love this Jamie. It still always amazes me and makes me want to stand up and cheer when any women stands up and steps out of the societal expectations placed on her, because there often are consequences or societal repercussions for doing so.
ReplyDeleteI love my boyfriend with all my heart but anytime he steps out of his place I remind him that I'm dating him because I WANT to and not because I NEED to. I hate the idea that a woman has to have a man to be successful. I have gone to great lengths to make sure that no matter where I end up in life, I will be there because I worked for it. There is no way I'll ever let a man say to me, "you wouldn't have this if it weren't for me." Loved this post!
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