This week, reading Branum's "This Monstrosity" broke my heart. On Twitter and other social media platforms, I see people sharing their stories of coming out, and their parents not being accepting of them. I'm a very empathetic person, and every time I see a story like this I just want to cry. I can't imagine suddenly not loving my child anymore over who they love. I'm from southern West Virginia. We get a bad rap for being a bunch of hicks, behind the times, you name it. I remember last year, Aneyla said to me, "how did you get the way that you are?" I think it just stems from my love for people. I want people to be who they are, and I want to support them in any way I can. I want them to be comfortable in who they are. If that means essentially becoming their mother, I'm down. I've seen Facebook posts with this sentiment. Essentially saying, "if you've come out to your parents and they didn't accept you, I'm your parents now." I love being a shoulder to cry on, and if you need it please reach out to me. Everyone deserves to have someone who's there for them.
The most hurtful part of this piece for me was when Branum said his parents would no longer be a source of financial support for him. Just because he's gay. Why is that the first thing they mention? Is that what would pack the most punch? "Not only do we not love you anymore, but don't ever ask us for money again." I really empathized with him when he said he grew up in a true middle class household, where the first thing you worry about out of the house is how you'll make money. That's something I've worried about throughout college. I know after this, it's up to me to support myself, and that's okay, but it's scary. It's so expensive to live in this world.
This is a note to my future child, or you if you need it. I remember the moment I realized my parents weren't filthy rich. Growing up, I believe my parents gave me the world, as much as they could. By the time I was 15, I learned that money was always hard for us. I've never been the type to ask for money, but now that I'm older and realize how much "life costs," I hate it even more. The way I see it, the people that gave me life don't owe me anything. They've given me the world as I know it. I still wouldn't change it for anything. My childhood made me who I am, and I'm fortunate to have parents who accept me for who I am, no matter what I know they'll still love me. If that isn't the case for you, know I'm here for you. I want to see you do great things, and I want to see you be yourself. I love you for whoever you are, and please don't forget it. I'm your mom now, and we're in it for the long haul.
First of all I just want to say thank you! I’m sure that’s weird. But as someone who tried to come out in early high school was almost disowned by my mom, this really touched me. My dad and sister know now, and I really wish I could tell me mom, but I don’t want the reaction I got before. I love that you mentioned the southern West Virginia rap. However, I don’t think someone becomes something because of where they are from, I truly believe it’s who we surround ourselves with growing up. Lastly, I agree my parents don’t owe me anything they brought me into this world and they gave me the world as I was growing up. Once again, thank you!
ReplyDeleteYour post made me feel like I'm not alone in the sense of having support, but also because I am sooooooo the mom friend too. I don't try to make that happen, but it always comes out especially in the form of me saying things like, "Drive safe, text me when you get there," and, "Have you been eating? Come on, I'll buy you something." It definitely helps when I have a good meal plan because of the RA job. I admire your ability to be so loving and accepting even though you may have grown up in an environment that would say otherwise. Your post was so inspiring, and so are you! Keep being your amazing self!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love your post! As a fellow extremely empathetic person, it really is heartbreaking to see people your age just suffer from something like their sexuality or identity. For me, I'm straight, but it's times like this when I question how "unconditional" my parents' love for me is. My family is very Christian, so if I ever said I was bi or gay, would they still love me? Would it be possible? Who knows, but I honestly doubt they would love me as much. So I feel for these teens who are actively discovering how conditional their parents' love is.
ReplyDeleteThat you for sharing your post, Alison! It truly means so much that you trust our environment well enough to be open about your childhood. Many of use go through some difficult times but it is important to appreciate them for making them into who we are today.
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