This one is an essay collection called Pretty Bitches, edited by Lizzie Skurnick.
This will now be my proposal for Shepherd to one day use this for women's studies classes or common reading. It is necessary that we all read this.
The gist of it is basically what it says on the cover. The NPR article I found online after listening describes it as a collection that," examines how everyday language creates double standards in the workplace, raises unrealistic expectations about how women should behave and look, and punishes them when they step outside the bounds." (NPR) Women are tired of words that are specifically targeted for girls/women. Let's talk about a few. Bossy. How many men have you heard of that have been called bossy? Maybe assertive or authoritative for guys? What does it mean to be bossy? To make sense of this we must tease apart two fundamental aspects of social hierarchy that are often lumped together—power and status. When women get called bossy, it’s often because they’re trying to exercise power without that status. It’s not a problem that they’re being dominant; the backlash arises because they’re "overstepping" their perceived boundary. Let's list some more, shall we?
Feisty
Frumpy
Ambitious
Mature
Ditsy
Crazy
Shrill
Sweet
Effortless
Professional
Yikes, I can think of several occasions in which I have heard these being used about me or towards another woman in my proximity. We are not alone.
"These words are code for actions people are going to take," Skurnick says. "So when someone calls you shrill, it means they're not going to give you the job. If somebody calls you mature when you're a young girl, that means they're hitting on you in a really slimy way. ... If someone calls you lucky ... they're saying you do not deserve what you have."So what happens when we try to break free from these gendered prescriptions for behavior: we get called out for trying to be something we are not. For example, a woman lowers her speaking tone to sound more authoritative, she's laughed at. A woman maintains her regular speaking voice, commonly described as shrill by men, deemed less intelligible because some men weren’t actually listening to female voices as attentively as they could? Men might be more interested in a soothing, comforting female voice, a sweet spot between shrill and overzealous.
Here's the link to listen to the story if you like: https://www.npr.org/2020/04/02/825463980/feisty-ambitious-lucky-female-writers-on-the-words-that-undermine-women
What do you all have to say about this? I think this is a really provocative and interesting topic.
Oh, sounds like a fascinating book! Thanks for the recommendation!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like an awesome read! It is so interesting to think about how seemingly unassuming these words are, and how much damage they can actually do. As a child, I was /always/ called bossy. I mean, always, by my little brother, my parents, grandparents, friends, girl scout leaders, etc. And my little brother, who rarely ever does anything for himself because he's the youngest, has never, to my knowledge, been called bossy by anyone. Boys just can't be bossy? I think that is BS!
ReplyDeleteAlso, a bit scary now to look back at all the times I was called "mature" as a young girl. This is such an important topic to bring to the attention of others, especially young girls. It is unacceptable to allow this sort of hypocrisy toward women.
Your discussion of "bossy" being an exclusively feminine word reminded me of how Tina Fey called her book Bossypants for that very reason. Girls are called bossy--or bossypants--as early as elementary school and it really is sad. I can't even imagine a guy being called bossy. Another word that I think fits in this demeaning-to-women category is "clever". It's so common to tell a successful woman that she's "so clever!" for achieving what she did. This word and the others you mention in your post are insulting and rude, yet they are part of everyday language.
ReplyDeleteGreat connection, Vivienne! Along those lines, this post reminds me a lot of Phoebe Robinson's, "Angry Black Woman," in her book, You Can’t Touch My Hair. Although Robinson discusses this mostly in terms of race, it also applies to women in general, as the cover of Pretty Bitches cites "angry" as another adjective commonly used to insult women. If a woman is determined and passionate about something, they are deemed "angry." Similarly, that same "type of woman" is called "bossy" and "crazy." By using these terms, men suggest that they are the only ones allowed to have confidence in the workplace and feel strongly about things, which is wrong on so many levels.
DeleteI think this would be a great recommendation for gender and women's studies classes. It's honestly unacceptable that women are called all of these things, simply because we aren't behaving the way we're "supposed to". I have been called at least half of these on many occasions in my life. Though, I must say most of the men in my life aren't that classy, and prefer calling me bitchy over any of the "nicer" ones. This seems like a really great read!
ReplyDelete