Week 12: This is my PAN-tastic Farewell!

Man, I can’t believe this is it, you guys! I want to say thank you to everyone in this class, you guys are phenomenal, and I am going to miss you so much! I have been struggling this week to figure out what I wanted to write about. I truly don’t have any words that could even come close to describing the connection I have felt with this class, I feel like I am losing my family. You all have allowed me to see that there are so many people who understand my views and have been through the things I have. With that being said, I have finally figured out what I want to write about to wrap this semester up. Like Guy Branum, this is my coming out story! Buckle up and get ready because it is “never-ending”.

Throughout high school, I always had this understanding that I wasn’t straight, but I always ignored it because I believe subconsciously, I was scared to admit it. I have strong Christian family members and some of my direct family have been known to make ignorant jokes or comments. However, in the summer of 2017, I went to a summer camp called the Governor’s Honors Academy. I was lucky enough to go with my best friend and there we had found our people, NERDS! It was so exciting to be able to have a conversation with people that were about topics like physics, math, science, social issues, you name it, we talked about it. While I was there, I had a roommate, who has now become one of my best friends. Olivia and I became inseparable and in a span of a month, we had gone through so much together. After GHA, is when I started having a stronger understanding of what I was feeling. She was my first non-celebrity girl crush, but I didn’t admit that to myself until about a year ago.

Last semester, I was in the Intro to Gender and Women’s Studies class, where we had so many great guest speakers and we learned about so many amazing things. These discussions had taught me more about the LGBTQ+ community than I had known, and when I learned the definitions of everything, I finally understood who I was. I am Pansexual. To those of you who are entirely sure what that means, it essentially states that I am attracted to anyone regardless of their gender or identity. I explain it to people that I am attracted to people’s personalities and who they are as a person. I have not come out to everyone in my family yet because it is really something that has to be the right moment. It’s stress-inducing and it hurtful sometimes, because I still have homophobic people in my family that make comments around me, and they don’t know. How am I supposed to be comfortable telling them when all I ever hear is them degrading and being rude to people in my community? Before I end this, I have to tell you all the reactions/ the process of me telling some of my family members.

1.     My sister in law: She was the first person I truly came out to, and with her, it was easy because she treats me like a sister, plus she had kind of suspected something was up. She was so understanding, and she helped keep me a secret. (You should always do that, NEVER out someone, it’s not fair to us).

2.     My brother: So next was my brother and honestly, I was really worried about telling him because he was never really understanding growing up. I had been over at their house one night just hanging out. My brother was in the kitchen cooking, my sister in law was vacuuming the living room and I was chilling with the dogs watching tv. My brother walked in and I looked at him and just said, “Yo dude, I’m pansexual”. My SIL physically spit took her drink, because I said it out of nowhere. I honestly shocked myself too, but my brother asked me what it meant, and I explained. His first comment to me was, “Oh good, I thought it meant you liked f****** pans.” OMG! I actually facepalmed, but I was also relieved. One of the people I was worried about, was making dad jokes about it! Needless to say, he doesn’t care, and he is very supportive.

3.     My mom: When I told my mom, it was a similar situation to my brother. I sorta just blurted it out in the kitchen one day. I had to explain to her what it meant, but her response was the same, “Okay, as long as they treat you right, I’m happy”.

4.     My best friends: I told all my best friends at our annual Christmas party and they all had the audacity to look and me and say, “Duh!” I was shocked, and they joked but told me, they didn’t care, as long as I was happy, they were happy.

And that’s it! Like I said before, I still have stories I could tell, but that could write a book. But there are also stories that I haven’t told yet because they are still waiting to happen. I never in a million years would ever imagine that I would be writing a coming outpost before I told the rest of my family, but you know, shit happens! Like Guy Branum said, “coming out” stories are long, they are forever happening, and they are stress-inducing. So please, if any relatives, friends or even strangers come out to you, support them, but also respect their privacy and don’t out them. It is a really shitty feeling and it can make things worse for them. Thank you all for enduring this lengthy post, but I had to go out with a bang! I am excited to see everyone’s final projects and I really hope I can see you all again at some point. Stay sane, stay healthy and most important stay amazing you beautiful Goddesses and God!

Enjoy some memes and pictures to wrap up this post