Women in Music and Bohemian Rhapsody

So, as a music major, my Writing in the Major course is Music History.  I write one big paper and it has to be on (you guessed it) music history. I chose to write my paper on the influence opera had on Queen, which of course, included quite a bit about Bohemian Rhapsody.  Branum's close reading of Bohemian Rhapsody had me thinking quite a bit about my days in Music History. I went back the other night and reread my paper (and actually found a few spelling errors, OOPS!) to look at my close reading of Bohemian Rhapsody and compare Branum's interpretation to my own.  I will get to this later in the post, but first...
I am a music nerd. I love music history. So much so, that for Christmas I bought my boyfriend a Build-Your-Own Hurdy Gurdy.  Below are some pictures of the Hurdy Gurdy and the BYO one I got him as well as a link to go check out a really cool Hurdy Gurdy song if you have no idea what the heck I am talking about here. 

https://youtu.be/bvNZeh6f8vE

So basically, the Hurdy Gurdy is a Medieval string instrument that you crank to play. What makes it so cool is that it acts as a drone-tone, meaning as long as you keep cranking the crank, the sound is continuous.  Music history isn't really filled with female musicians, but one of the earliest, if not the earliest noted female composer is Hildegard von Bingen. She was not only a composer but also an artist, author, mystic, pharmacist, poet and even was canonized in 2012. Needless to say, she was one bad booty woman (I feel like it would be disrespectful to call a Saint a bad ass or a bad bitch, so you get "bad booty"). 

"So Hannah, why the heck are you talking about this when I thought you were going to talk about Queen?" Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I'll get there, okay? This past week I ordered all of my music for my senior recital which is next semester.  When facing major musicians block, the only thing that gets me through is thinking about female musicians and more specifically female tuba players.  Only 5% of professional female low brass players are women.  This makes me angry.  For my entire musical career I have been given a hard time by the men in my section for being a female. Once they all realize I am a force to be reckoned with, they back off but I just become "one of the boys", which is fine by me, but after a while, it gets belittling.  I feel like I loose my identity.  So to honor and embrace the fact that I am a female tuba player, I am choosing to do a lecture recital in which all of the music I am performing is composed by women.  It is not only hard to find music composed by women, but it is even harder to find music composed by women for tuba.  Fortunately for me, in 2013, a bunch of women worked together to compose and record an album of tuba music composed by women and performed by a female tuba player.  It is great and gets me through the times when I am angry about being a female musician.  I get down a lot because I often feel smothered and over looked because I am a female tuba player.  Like some how I'll never be as good as a man because I am a woman.  One of my peers actually said to me, "The reason tuba is a man's instrument is because we're anatomically bigger and can take in more air than girls so its just easier for us." Listen asshole,  I don't play tuba for it to be easy. I play tuba because I am empowered when I play and I show up all of the men who told me I couldn't do it.  

So for my recital I am playing a piece which was originally written by Hildegard von Bingen and arranged by Joanna Ross Hersey for tuba.  I have been practicing it lately so when I was prompted by Branum's Bohemian Rhapsody analysis to reflect back on my times in music history, I was reminded of all of these things.  That is all for that portion of my blog post.  Rant over.  

OK SO BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

So Branum looks at Mercury's lyrics as all about him coming out or struggling with his sexuality.  While I do not disagree, I did look more into the background of all of the allusions that Mercury made to characters from Greek mythology and opera.  I will save you all the 18 pages of explanation for how Queen drew influence from opera, but I will explain a bit of the influences present in Bohemian Rhapsody, especially in the so-called "operatic section". Here is an excerpt from my paper from last year.

Other elements of Bohemian Rhapsody which pushed the boundaries of rock and roll were the lyrics.   The lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody are poetic and dramatic.   Mercury claimed to Kenny Everett that the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody are complete nonsense, but Promane argues that encoded within Bohemian Rhapsody are  

“a multitude of personal factors that go beyond the nonsensical themes that Everett describes ...  Much like Bob Dylan and Igor Stravinsky, Mercury prided himself upon challenging his audience by disclosing limited or erroneous information to intrigue and to complicate the disclosure surrounding his repertory.” (p.  38) 

Bohemian Rhapsody famously contains lyrics in the so called “operatic section” which are in Italian.   Queen references Galileo, Scaramouch, Figaro and Magnifico.   Each of these characters points to representing an aspect of Freddie Mercury’s life, but as previously mentioned, Mercury claims that the lyrics of his song are simply nonsensical and random.    

Other lyric within the song arguably reflect the personal life of Mercury as well.   Following the lush opening a cappella section, the dramatic monologue arguably reflects the inner turmoil Mercury likely ensued as a result of his closeted homosexuality.   Some argue that this also reflects Mercury’s struggle with accepting the fate of his battle with AIDS but given that Mercury was involved with his girlfriend Mary Austin until 1975, the year Bohemian Rhapsody was released, it is unlikely that Mercury was battling his diagnosis of AIDS.   Another contributing factor to refuting that claim is that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention did not name AIDS until July of 1982.    

Reading the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody with the thought in mind that Mercury had only just come to personal terms with his sexuality makes the personal struggles of the narrator parallel that of what Mercury was likely experiencing.   Like the narrator of Bohemian Rhapsody, Mercury was going through an internal conflict, feeling suffocated by continuing to live a double life.   This is exemplified in the text, 

“Too late, my time has come.   

Send shivers down my spine, my body’s aching all the time 

Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to go 

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth”  

(as cited in Promane, 2009, p.51) 

Some people also argue the role “mama” plays in the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody.  It is unlikely that Mercury wrote “mama” to symbolize his biological mother, Jer Bulsarsa, but rather his girlfriend Mary Austin.   This was a common term which was quickly appropriated from the African-American blues tradition into the work of many musicians like Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix (Promane 2009).   In the early monologue-like lyrics following the opening a cappella section,  

“Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head 

Pulled my trigger now he’s dead....”  

(as cited in Promane, 2009, p.  51) 

with the idea that “mama” is an epithet of Mary Austin and the narrator reflects Mercury himself, Mercury is likely singing of his recent acceptance of his sexuality and the dissolution of the relationship between Mercury and Austin.   The lyrics continue, 

“Mama, life had just begun 

But now I've gone and thrown it all away 

Mama, ooh, didn’t mean to make you cry 

If I’m not back again this time tomorrow 

Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters”  

(as sited in Promane, 2009, p.  51) 

With the same representations as before, Mercury is likely singing of how he feels that he ruined the relationship with Austin.   He states, “didn’t mean to make [her] cry” and asks “mama” to carry on without him (as if nothing really matters).    

Promane, Barry C. (2009) “Freddie Mercury and Queen: Technologies of Genre and the Poetics  

of  Innovation.” The School of Graduate and Postdoctoral Studies The University of Western Ontario , Barry C. Promane, , pp. 1–136.  

Opera. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/opera 

The Damage an Absent Parent Can Do

I used to be (and sometimes still am, sadly) that girl that always falls hopelessly in love with the bad guy. I've since found and created enough self-love and discipline to ~not~ put myself through the constant cycle of trying to save someone, realizing I can't help someone who a) doesn't want my help or b) wants me only for my help (aka DRAINING), allowing these realities to rip my heart out, and then looking for someone else to save in order to feel some sense of purpose and meaning in the world...but one of the many things I learned through those relationships is this:

Parents don't just love their children by default; that type of love is a choice, too.

It has to do with evolution, maybe. Mama bears fiercely protecting their cubs. Mama eagles spreading their wings to protect their chicks from the cold, the rain, the sun. We would be shocked if she left her egg-filled nest and never returned, or turned and ran the other direction when her cub was in danger. We're becoming less shocked, though, when we do this. When human parents choose themselves over their children.

Is it because we have a choice? Do animals really have a choice in protecting their offspring, or are they just programmed that way? Mother birds abandoning their nests for their own safety when they see a human get too close to it is nature's way of telling us that animals do have a choice, so why do they leave less often than we do?

Is it because the threats are different for us? We don't need to protect each other from predators anymore (as I typed that, I realized how untrue it is, but you get the point). We've moved past survival mode and onto different challenges: poverty, breakups, mental illnesses, bullying. Do these require less protection, less parental involvement?

Maybe, we can't compare a creature who lives and breeds and dies to one who has found a way to fill life with more successes than that. Maybe we shouldn't. Or, maybe we need to. I used to think there was something primal, natural, about caring for your child. Now, I think we may have lost that somewhere along the way. Science tells us that our brains have changed over the last hundreds and thousands of years, but only our actions can tell us what exactly those changes have been.

I don't think unconditional love and protection is something that comes with parenthood anymore. I think that the bond between a mother and her child has the potential to be stronger than any other connection in the known universe, but I don't think that ever happens without a choice. We choose to love our children, or we don't. We choose them based on our beliefs about the world, based on our beliefs about ourselves. We choose to love them when they're born, when they take their first steps, when they go to grade school, when they start taking dance lessons. When they learn to form their own thoughts and opinions and beliefs about the world, we're still choosing. I know this, because this is around the time when some parents change their choice.

I have friends who have been punished, kicked out of their homes, or physically harmed for telling their parents who they love. In a single second, their parents changed their mind. The little kid they held in the hospital, picked up at the bus stop, hugged on graduation...didn't matter anymore. Didn't even exist, in their eyes. Years of choosing "love" broken by a few simple words.

We're supposed to be supreme. The most advanced of them all. But, I'm afraid there are things the animal kingdom is much better at after all.

(P.S. Reading Branum's story about coming out to his parents shattered my heart--that's what this is inspired by. It's kind of all over the place because that's how my brain feels right now. I keep trying to come up with a valid reason of why any parent would treat their child that way, why any person would treat another person that way, and I can't come up with one. I'm sad and angry and confused, but it just makes me want to love people more--friends, and strangers, and everyone in between.)

I Know You Are Bored

Hello friends, greetings and quarantined regards.

I am sure you all are working your hardest to catch up on school and find enough things to fill the day to avoid the impending doom, I know I am. I really just want to throw my phone in the trash and wrap up in a blanket cocoon with a "Do Not Disturb" sign. I am driving my boyfriend and honestly myself crazy by saying millions of times things like, "I AM SO BORED." "KILL ME"
I really need to tone down the drama!

Anywayyyy... I found something I would like to share with you all. It is a list of movies. Not just any movies, but movies AND shows created for and by women directors, producers, writers, etc.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2020/03/9508128/cult-movies-shows-made-by-women?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=adsales&utm_campaign=ES_MicrosoftSurface

There are a bunch I am sure you will recognize, but you will have a newfound respect for once you learn that some boss ladies made them possible. E.T. was written by a woman, It's A Wonderful Life, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Lord of the Rings franchise, and the original Superman all written or co-written by women!

So, why is this important? Because women are awesome, duh?
Yes, but bringing attention to the influence women have in all facets of our lives is incredibly necessary to bring us closer to gender equality. It is a known problem that women are featured less, paid less, noticed less, but judged more, and criticized more than men.

When it comes to supporting roles, the numbers have barely budged. In 2019, women comprised just 37% of major characters, an increase of one percentage point from the previous year. They also made up just 34% of all speaking characters, down one percentage point from the previous year. And not all women are enjoying equal representation onscreen. The study found that while white women saw an increase in representation in lead, major and speaking roles, onscreen depictions of most women of color actually decreased. (LA Times) 

Social change is incredibly difficult and it doesn't exactly change in a concise or linear way. It is a battle. It is an awesome battle we should have the privilege to fight because with some hard work and some serious balls, we can really dominate. 

For fun, I am making a list of my choices of movies created by or starring badass women for you to enjoy during the quarantine. By using the Bechdel test, a system that measures the representation of women in fiction, I combined ones I know I enjoyed, that I also found featured on the list. It asks whether a work features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. The requirement that the two women must be named is sometimes added. About half of all films meet these criteria, according to user-edited databases and the media industry press. Passing or failing the test is not necessarily indicative of how well women are represented in any specific work. Rather, the test is used as an indicator for the active presence of women in the entire field of film and other fiction, and to call attention to gender inequality in fiction.  Media industry studies indicate that films that pass the test perform better financially than those that do not. It is not the best measure because it is circumstantial, but it is really interesting to collect and study data in this social aspect. (bechdeltest.com)

Newer:

The Invisible Man

Emma

Captain Marvel

Midsommar

Knives Out

Little Women

Birds of Prey

Mad Max: Fury Road

Older:

Alien

Foxy Brown

Rear Window

Ma vie en rose

Gilda

Halloween

Wellness Wednesday

Hey folks! Given some of our discussion on the forum and here, I wanted to make sure you all saw this helpful video from Counseling Services. Shanan Spencer is like...an angel on earth? (All of our counselors are.)

Things to talk about other than the c-word

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who is in a very confusing and difficult state of mind. Having to transition all of your classes online is much easier said than done and learning has become a very different experience. One thing that has mostly remained the same is this class and how it is being operated. It might be online, but the discussions and deep ideas that come from our readings remain the same mentally. I think it is especially wonderful and helpful to have such an inspiring writer and comic to start off with this transitional week. Like most of the people we talk about, Guy Branum helped to give me a new insight into not only the lives of people who identify differently than me but also a new perspective on myself. 

To start off this week, we read "Prologue: Leto and the Lycian Peasants" and the start of this section kind of made me question if I was reading correctly. I had no idea how Branum was going to connect Greek mythology to the life of a gay man, but he certainly managed to do it. This introductory story was insightful and reminded us to always remember our potentials in life. As Leto hit rock bottom, "she remembered that she was a goddess" (3) and completely changed her view on life. She remembered that she was in control of more things that she thought and this story surprisingly has been helping me push myself through what could be dark times. 

We are all goddesses (even Nick) and it is important to remind ourselves of that once and a while. Like Branum says "a goddess needs worshippers ... in a pinch, just one will do" (5). So, if you ever feel alone during these weird times just remember that you will always have yourself (and I'm sure many, many others to support you). Keep in mind the things that you are in control of and control the heck out of them. Clean your room, organize what needs to be, go for a run outside, watch all seven episodes of "Tiger King" in one day like I did, or whatever you want. Just always make sure to remember that life is always way more in your hands than you think. 

Week 10: WTF Do I Write About?!

For the past 4 days, I have been sitting and contemplating not only my life but also contemplating what the hell I was going to write about! My brain is slowly frying itself being stuck inside my house, which makes attempting to do schoolwork almost an impossible task. Why might you ask? Because I have an internal battle of depression, anxiety, fear, but also happiness and peace going on. I mean it is like the final war of Endgame, and I’m telling you what some days, “I don’t feel so good Mr. Stark.” (I AM SORRY, I SAW THE OPPORTUNITY AND I TOOK IT! PLEASE DON’T HATE ME)

With that being said, you’re probably wondering, “Now that you’ve crushed my soul, what does this have to do with any of the readings Kennedy?” And my answer is, very little! But, there is one phrase that Guy Branum says at the end of “The Rules of Enchantment” that made me finally start to understand myself, “I’m doing it because I have always wanted to be a hero, and a hero’s got to have a monster to fight” (231). I have always wanted to be a hero for someone, but more recently I want to become my own hero. I want to be able to say that I was able to fight through my own personal “monsters” and reach the top. However, there is one important thing that Branum forgot to talk about, a true hero can’t fight alone. I mean look at the Avengers series, when did they ever prosper from fighting individually, never. With that being said, I have recognized that while yes, I am capable of fighting my “monsters” myself, it is okay for me to ask for help.

Let me provide you with an example, and I apologize because it is going to get a little sad. In November of 2018, I was up at WVU working my job at Michaels on a Friday night, when I got a call from my mom. Almost instantly I knew something was wrong because she knew I was at work. She called and told me that they believed that my grandfather wasn’t going to make it through the night. My grandfather had been fighting a battle with Alzheimer’s since my freshman year of high school in 2014. Now, I was at work and my boss had asked me what was wrong because I had begun tearing up, and when I told her, she asked why I didn’t ask to go home. My response, “There’s nothing I can do from here, I can’t go home home because I have midterms next week.” So, I worked through my shift but had told my manager there might be a possibility I wouldn’t be in for either of shifts that Saturday and Sunday. So, I drove back to my dorm and I was sitting in my kitchen, hanging out with my roommates and their friends, when at 11:59 pm my phone rang. I looked down and immediately started crying because my caller ID showed “Momma”. I knew instantly what the call was about, but it was confirmed when I answered and all I heard was her crying. My grandfather had passed away. My mother told my roommate to watch out for me because she was worried that I was going to fall back into my depression and not eat. And she did just that. Every time she would make herself food, she would bring some into my room and sit it on my desk. My point is, yes, I could’ve taken care of myself, but if it wouldn’t have been for my mom and my roommate helping me through that time, I honestly believe I would have fallen back into my depression and would’ve possibly dropped out. 

The moral of this story is, you can be a hero, you can be your own hero, but you don’t, and you shouldn’t fight your “monsters” alone, because there is always someone who is willing to help.

This is a picture of my grandfather and grandmother (Maternal). They are my best friends and I miss him every day! My grandmother, we call her Nannaw, is the sweetest woman in the world, very stubborn, but sweet! Once this quarantine lifts, I am going and giving her the biggest hug in the world, because it pains me every time I drop groceries off and she stands at the door waving and I can't hug her. 

I know right now is a hard time for everyone, as I am also struggling, but if anyone ever needs to talk or just needs a distraction just email me and we can do a Netflix party or a zoom party! My personal email is kennedymurr@gmail.com. You can email me for anything, even if it’s just to say hi! I will always be available!

Fun Story Time

I commented on Kennedy's post earlier this week about the only time I've left my house so far during quarantine. Here's the story:

I went to the Dollar General to get some snacks with my mom. They were out of cream cheese. My heart broke but then I got over it. We left. We drove to Sheetz to get gas. We drove home.
On the way home, we passed a few guys walking with their hoods up. We live in a sketchy area of a sketchy town, so we made some joke about "quarantine shenanigans" and forgot about it.

Here is a bad depiction of the order of the places we were at.

So to recap: home > Dollar Store > Sheetz > saw creepy guys > home.

We unpacked the snacks. My mom got on her phone. HERE'S THE FIRST THING SHE SEES:

We left the dollar store at 6:43. I KNOW because I sent a Snapchat to my cousin about how empty the parking lot was. By 6:50, these guys had robbed the place! WHAT!

THE NEXT DAY:

My mom gets on Facebook. HERE'S THE FIRST THING SHE SEES:

IT WAS A JOOOOOOOOOKE! WHAT!

Anyways, thought I should share that fun time with everybody :-)