Week 12: Highlights from the Highlight of My Week

It feels weird typing this, knowing that this will be my last weekly blog post. I unfortunately do not have anything incredibly creative, mind-boggling, or intellectual for this week. While brainstorming for a topic worthy of my last post, all I could come up with is sharing my highlights from this class. Maybe it is the two all-nighters I pulled this week or the allergies that have now turned my brain into snot, but this list is the best I could think of. This class, of course, deserves only the best (even if that is my drowsily decided-upon best), so I will go for it... 

1. Our Weekly In-Class (and Online) Discussions 

This aspect of our class was perhaps my favorite, because I loved getting to know all of you. I am going to inflate our egos for a bit and say that our discussions were bomb. You all brought your own smart, unique perspectives to the table, and I think it is safe to say that we all benefitted from each other greatly. We all learned about so much in the way of feminism, gender, and humor from just talking to each other. Of course, the readings and standup specials helped us learn as well, but I believe our discussions solidified everything and made it more relatable. In conclusion, thank you for sharing your wonderful viewpoints with me and the class. 

2. Our Blog Posts 

On a similar note, I thoroughly enjoyed reading about you all and what you find interesting. My world has opened up so much from the various things I have read on this blog. Additionally, the comments on these posts are such a lovely feature, and I appreciated getting to interact with you even further through the comments. These blog posts were another highlight of my week, the biggest one being the class in general, and I am so grateful to have read your amazing (and hilarious) writing! 

3. The Readings and Comedy Specials Themselves 

While I am discussing writing, I will go ahead and include our readings and specials in this list. These sources were the foundation upon which we all came up with our great discussions, so I cannot NOT talk about them (you feel?). On a more serious note, Phoebe Robinson's book we were asked to read, You Can't Touch My Hair, taught me so much about the unique and unfortunate situations that black women must face. Robinson very eloquently and also hilariously recounted stories and made important points about life as a black woman. Her use of pop-culture references, which we also saw in many of the standup specials, was just great, smart writing. I could go on and on about our readings this semester, but that was the one that stood out to me the most. 

4. A Safe Outlet for Expression 

This class, both in the discussions and blogs, provides a wonderful opportunity for us to share whatever we feel comfortable with, with each other. You are all so encouraging and kind, so I feel like I could tell you anything, really. I was able to open up a bit about my depression in the forums (and also my unhealthy obsession with Animal Crossing and Tom Nook hehe), and many others have shared personal stories and other things, like their sexuality, with the class. This speaks volumes about how safe and comforting this class' environment really is. 

5. The fact that I was able to write a blog post about Tom Nook and be taken seriously... 

This last point is kinda silly, but it is true! I never in a million years thought I could write something about Tom Nook for a class (with cuss words and memes in it!!!) and be taken seriously, like AT ALL. That is one of the aspects of this class that I enjoyed the most—the freedom to discuss whatever you would like as long as it relates to class discussion somehow (which my Nook post did loosely haha). There is true room for creativity in this class, something that is lacking in a lot of the other classes here at Shepherd. For example, someone else wrote about the Blue Wiggle dude, and another wrote about drag queens. The possibilities are ENDLESS (just like in Animal Crossing hehe)! I promise that was the last AC plug, well, because that was the end of my last post... 

Seriously though (and not Tom Nook-post seriously), thank you ALL for such a wonderful, encouraging, and helpful class!

Week 12: Sensitivity and Pizza

I’ve been thinking a lot about sensitivity lately because of something that happened about a week and a half ago. Time for a story:

            I was sitting in the living room reading when I heard the doorbell ring followed by our dogs barking wildly. I was the only one of the seven people in the house on the lower level, so I had to get the door. After throwing the dogs out into our fenced yard, I went to open the door and I immediately apologized to the guy waiting on the front step for the insanity of my loyal “guard dogs”. Before I finished my apology, the guy at the door, who I recognized as a neighbor from across the street, said “You should put your recycling in bags next time.”

            His arms were filled with the contents of our recycling bin: water jugs, milk jugs, and water bottles. He expounded on his previous blunt statement, “Your trash was everywhere, so I picked it up.”

            “You didn’t have to do that! Thank you.” I responded, under the impression that he had picked up our wayward trash just because it was a windy day and he thought we needed help.

            “No, I picked it up because it was all over my yard.” He said.

            I apologized again and again. I didn’t know what else to say. He was still holding my family’s trash in his arms, and he looked as though he was waiting for me to take it all from him. I stepped forward and took each bottle and jug out of his arms one by one. I don’t think I ever stopped apologizing while he told me the best way to go about keeping our trash out of his yard.  He eventually left, having said what he needed to say. I walked down the driveway in my socks to get the recycling bin and put the jugs and bottles back inside. I also went to get some grocery bags, like the guy suggested.

            When I told my mom about what happened, I was in tears. Crying is my default response to everything. My mom told me I shouldn’t have answered the door at all, but what was I supposed to do? Leave him waiting on the front step with his arms full of our trash? The fact that he was holding all of our trash that had ended up in his yard due to the wind bothered me the most. Did he feel like he should display the evidence of our wrongdoing? He couldn’t just return the jugs and bottles to the recycling bin, he had to hold them up in front of me and force me to apologize for the wind’s actions?

            I just wanted to forget about the whole thing, but my parents wanted to do the opposite. My mom asked around for the guy’s wife’s phone number, and she sent a text to our neighbor detailing how “distressed” I was, and how any future problems should be discussed with her or her husband. My mom hasn’t realized I’m an adult yet so she fights all of my battles. The wife called my mom back and said that her husband never meant to upset me, he only wanted to express his frustration over the way our trash always ends up in their yard on trash day. She claimed that our trash was in their yard every single week, and they always picked it up. She ended the call by saying that she doesn’t want to have a bad relationship with her neighbors, but the constant trash in their yard was very trying.

            Though our neighbors wanted to discuss the matter further, we declined, and thought that was the end of it. A couple of hours later the doorbell rang again, and a Domino’s pizza guy was standing at the door. We hadn’t ordered a pizza, but the pizza guy insisted it was for us. We soon realized that our neighbors had bought us a pizza to apologize for what had happened that afternoon. I felt worse than ever. I felt awful that my sensitivity, the fact that I had cried in response to our neighbor’s request to put our bottles in bags, had made our neighbors feel obliged to make it up to us with pizza.  Once again I had been too sensitive, and I had made a big deal out of nothing.

            My sensitivity makes me cry, apologize, and worry 24/7. I condemn myself constantly for my sensitivity, and I have always hated the fact that I malfunction in the face of any and every situation. Why can't I talk to people and solve problems without crying? Why do I feel the need to apologize for every one of my actions? Hannah Gadsby asked, “Why is insensitivity something to strive for?” (36:20) in her Netflix special Nanette because she, like many people, is often told not to be so sensitive. Every time I degrade myself for being sensitive, I should try to remember what the opposite of sensitivity is. Gadsby emphasizes the fact that sensitivity isn’t a weakness, it’s powerful and human. My powerful and human sensitivity got us free pizza that night, so sensitivity can’t be all that bad.

 P.S. My dad wanted to put the empty pizza boxes in our neighbor's yard, but I didn't think that would improve our relationship with them.

Week 10: Oh. My. Goddessness.

Hello everyone! I've missed seeing you guys and having our in-class discussions. The forum posts are great and all, but it's just not the same! (Maybe it's because of the lack of surprise candy...) I know we are all managing the best we can, and I am so proud of all of us for sticking with everything during this crazy time! From browsing the post titles, I can safely assume that a lot of you are not really doing okay, and I am completely with you on that, but we've got this! In that fighting spirit and in contrast to the sad boi posts I've been seeing (in addition to my messy and depressy forum comments oops), I am going to do something scary and brave and different on here! I am going to actually write my "goddess list" for this week's post. Please know that this will be incredibly painful for me, and if this blog post stops abruptly like mid-sentence, assume that I have passed out on the floor. If any of you saw my comment to the "goddess list" forum post, I basically said "sike nah" to the idea and responded, "actually I am garbage." But I will try this, because I know I (as a proud pessimist) could use some positivity, and this blog could too! 

Here goes nothing... 

1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

2. Okay, now that I have gotten that over with, let's see. I ~suppose~ I am a good writer, at least when I'm not inserting gifs and made-up words into my writing. However, I am now debating this, because it is extremely hard to write and concentrate with the Michael Scott "No" gif on repeat right above what I'm typing. Maybe that wasn't such a good writing decision. 

3. I am an overachiever (but also a procrastinator?), which hurts my soul and my sleep schedule a bit (i.e. writing this at 5am), but the overachieving part comes in handy when doing assignments, papers, and projects. My work is always my very best and as "perfect" as my crazy perfectionist ass can get it. 

4. My singing voice has been described as "angelic" and "pure," which is everything I'm not, but oh well. I forget the fact that I have a nice voice in the music department sometimes, because I am forced to sing a lot of opera arias and classical music that just doesn't fit my voice. I am more of a folk and jazz singer, but no one really knows that. I was going to sing a solo, "The Scarlet Tide" from Cold Mountain, and accompany myself by piano for a concert this semester, but alas, my bad luck has struck again! Ugh, POSITIVE VIBESSSS! 

5. Before quarantine times, I carried three jobs and 22 credit hours with ~grace~, which can be translated to in my pajamas in class and not GAF (giving a f--art (yes, I am a child)). Plus, I am MADE for this quarantine life, hunny. You thought I was lazy, but I was just breaking in my pajamas. ;) 

6. I am a proud mother to a hairy child named Pepper. She is potty-trained, eats well, and her head is much smaller than her body. I allow her to be authentically herself. She is all kinds of sassy and sways when she walks, exuding feline confidence with each step. I aspire to be like her honestly, so I'm so proud to have raised such a fearless woman. Plus, she's like also simultaneously a bat and a dog, so she's wonderfully unique. 

7. I have "pianist fingers," which is cool because the rest of me is quite sausage-like. No self-hate, just spitting facts here haha. (Thanks, Viv, for the idea btw!) 

8. I can no longer see Michael Scott, and my brain has resumed optimal 2% functioning. Let's see...I can be witty? 

9. According to one of my Food Lion managers, I am "the best closer ever." She then followed it up with, "I know it's because you're literally OCD, but I love you for it." Come to Food Lion on a Thursday or Friday night after 10pm (except this week because I had requested off for concerts that I no longer get to be in OOF), and you'll see me scurrying around the registers sweeping, arranging and facing sodas, and stocking each register with a pen and counterfeit detector marker. Everything would be organized the same way at each register, because I'd literally die otherwise. 

10. Lastly, I am a goddess, because even through all of the self-loathing and societal conditioning to hate my body, I am still able to come up with a list of positive things about myself and that's POWERFUL. ~iF i CaN dO iT, yOu cAN tOo!~