Gifts from Steven

In Momento Mori, Sedaris writes about the different gifts he has gotten and given, specifically in regards to his husband. I told the story in class on Wednesday about how Steven kept "sugar cookie candle" in his notes app for 2 years before getting it for me for Christmas. I thought I'd write a list of gifts he's gotten me that I probably wouldn't have liked if they came from anyone else.

1. A yellow string bracelet. The bracelet was from Francesca's, like the candle. He HATES that store but knows I love it, so that's always his first stop when trying to find me a gift. This bracelet in particular said it was supposed to invoke happiness when wearing it. Neither one of us believes in that type of thing, but when I look at it, I can't help but feel happy. I think of him in a crowded store, absolutely overwhelmed and over-stimulated, but still looking for just the right thing to get me. When I opened it he said "wear that and don't worry so much." 

2. A ring I didn't pick out. This year, a week before Valentine's Day, I went to a Pandora store and tried on some rings while my friend got Cinnabon. I sent Steven a picture with a combination of 2 different rings on my finger and told him I really liked them. On Valentine's Day, he said "let me go get your gift. I didn't wrap it... sorry." He came downstairs with a giant bag from Carlo's Bakery from a trip we took in December. Inside was a pack of gum. He looked at me with the biggest smile and said "DO YOU LOVE IT?" Confused, but still madly in love, I gave him a hug and said "OF COURSE! I'm gonna have the best breath in town!" He pulled out a ring box and said "I'm just joking. I'm not proposing, just so we're clear. Also, I didn't really like the rings you sent a picture of. They just didn't look... fancy enough. So I got this one!" Surprisingly, I loved the one he got me WAY more than the two I had picked out. 

3. A pair of socks. Right before our first Christmas together, he took a trip to NYC with his friends. One day, I got 5 texts saying "CALL ME!!!" I'm thinking there's an emergency but all he asked was "what kind of dog is Maxine?" Maxine is my rescue from the shelter and she genuinely looks like a mix of every breed. I said "I don't know, a mutt?" He said, "okay thanks. Love you" and hung up the phone. I forgot about the conversation as quick as it happened. On Christmas day, he could hardly contain his excitement as I opened a pair of socks that said "I love mutts" all over it. "Do you love them?" "I sure do. These are gonna keep my feet so warm!" He took me to NYC on a surprise trip for my birthday that year and couldn't wait to show me the little stand in Bryant Park where he bought them. I don't think I've ever worn those socks but I won't ever get rid of them.

I could've lived the rest of my life without any of these material things. If they would've come from anybody else, I would've surely lost them or forgot about them by now. I don't look at them and see a bracelet, a ring, or a pair of socks. I see Steven standing in unfamiliar, crowded places and still taking his time to find me gifts he thinks I will love (which I do). I see his face light up when he asks "Do you love it?" He's the best, I am lucky, this was cheesy. Thank you for reading.

Music and Memories: A Saga

I love music. Though I’m fairly certain I’m not the one in this class that shares this sentiment. XD (But let me stop, back up, and give some context to start this off)

When we went over the story from David Sedaris about the skeleton and how objects in the house speak to him, I got to thinking. I personally don’t experience the luxury of inanimate objects speaking to me, and this really made me sad when I realized this in class. But then, I remembered this fun little trick my brain likes to do when it comes to music and memories.

Ever since I was younger, I have had a very special relationship with music. I have always been more musically and visually inclined, so I have this neat ability to associate music to people, places, memories, or things. I’m sure I’m once again not the only one who does this, but the weird thing for me is that I can’t control it. Sometimes if I’m listening to a song and something happens that I don’t want to associate with that song, I’ll think to myself, “Don’t you dare!” And my brain promptly goes, “Alright, bet, make SURE she remembers this moment EVERY time she hears this.”

(To put it bluntly, it gets annoying at times, but for the most part, it’s really nice)

I’m going to list some songs that elicit memories from me, both good and bad:

1.       "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri

This song reminds me of one of my many dance recitals from the past. I can’t tell you how old I was, but I was younger than I am now (duh) by at least 10ish years. I was standing in the wings on the left side of the stage if you were looking at the stage. The advanced girls were dancing to the song, and I just remember being so in awe of how they were able to move and dance so flawlessly. I can still vividly see the dancers moving and rolling around on the floor in a complicated collection of dance moves that my younger dance self was very intimidated by.

2.       "I’ll Always Remember You" by Hannah Montana

This song has a sadder memory attached to it. It was about four years ago, and it was the end-of-the-year dance recital for my dance school. It was the last performance of the season, and all of a sudden at the end of the show, the advanced girls started dancing to this song. And then, out of nowhere, my dance teacher of around 5-6 years goes out and starts dancing with them. I remember one of my friends crying and saying to me that this was my dance teacher’s farewell dance. (She was leaving the dance school) She hadn’t told anyone she was going to be doing this farewell dance, and I started sobbing my eyes out realizing she really was leaving. It’s a sad memory, but I now look on it fondly, remembering how much I loved her and that it was the right decision for her at the time.

3.       "Price Tag" by Jessie J

This memory is really funny actually. This song always reminds me of Wii Dance, since every time I would dance to this song on “Just Dance” for Wii, I would get a perfect score. I even tested it one day when my sister said I couldn’t do it blindfolded, in which I responded by staring at her the entire time I did it and still got a perfect score. (I’m honestly still really proud of that moment in my life)

4.       "Born to Win" by Five for Fighting

This one really makes me feel emotional, in a good way. This memory is with me standing in the wings of my dance school’s stage, watching the dance on stage with tears of happiness in my eyes. There was a girl in the dance that I looked at like a little sister, and I was very close to her. It was the first time I was able to see her dance on stage without being busy getting ready for another dance I had to do. She looked so happy and carefree and I was just so proud of her! Every time she came off stage for that whole recital weekend, I would grab her up into a big hug and tell her how proud I was of her. (I’m currently crying while writing this btw XD)

5.       "Amazed" by Lonestar

This one is very nostalgic. I remember being led out onto the dance floor with my then boyfriend, and we slow-danced to this whole song. We were at my high school’s military ball since I was in JROTC, and I serenaded to him the whole time. I hadn’t told him yet that I loved him since we hadn’t been together long, and I hadn’t wanted to scare him off. (Context: I had known him since I was a baby, and he was my best friend) So the song really encapsulated how I was feeling, so I sang the whole song to him while looking into his eyes. It’s a really nice memory, and even though we ended up breaking up since we were better off as friends then romantic partners, it’s still one of my favorite memories for a song to this day.

Well, I think I’ll end the list there since I don’t want to get emotional again XD. Getting back to Sedaris, his ability to relate his life and how he was feeling into an inanimate object was an interesting take on life that I hadn’t thought of before. I know me and my ability to attach memories to song’s isn’t unique, but I feel it relates to Sedaris in that I’m able to listen to a song and hear what I need to hear at that moment in time.

When Sedaris hears the message from his washer and dryer that says, “No more laundromat for you” (154), it’s the same for me when I remember a memory to a certain song. I receive messages from music as opposed to objects, but it stills links in the ability to hear what you need to hear from these objects in life to help you in whatever situation your in. I love this ability I have, and I feel it has helped me so much in life with being able to get through situations and thrive. I hope you all can relate to this somehow and thank you for your time if you managed to get to the end of this. Until next time <3

I Like My Relationship Just the Way It Is, Thank You Very Much

In class this week we discussed whether or not we had ever wished our lives could be like romantic comedies.  In response to this I said no, but since then I have found myself comparing my life to the television shows I watch.  I have been watching Dexter lately and throughout the series, Dexter, the main character, experiences an unfortunate number of shitty relationship-related problems.  While the relationships are clearly pretty messed up given the fact he is a serial killer, somehow I still found myself feeling some type of way about the relationships. 

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! 

Halfway through the series, Dexter’s wife and mother to their infant child is murdered by a serial killer he had been hunting.  During his brief break up with his wife, (pre-marriage) Dexter falls for a woman who is an arsonist and tries to burn down her apartment with his ex-girlfriend’s/future wife’s children in it.  He then makes her move out of the country, follows her, and kills her. After his wife is murdered, he falls in love with a survivor of another set of serial killer-rapists and after they kill a few people together, she just leaves him.  Then, just when you think maybe he’s over this whole “relationship thing” that we all know is WAY TOO COMPLICATED AND CHALLENGING FOR EVEN A NORMAL PERSON ! ! ! Dexter falls for another serial killer who he falls in love with when he’s trying to kill her and she’s up hashed.  They then, OH SO ROMANTICALLY, have sex after HE JUST TRIED TO KILL HER ! ! ! I’m sorry, but   W H A T.   T H E.    F U C K. Now, with where I am at in the series, his sister of all people, is trying to get this woman arrested for her serial murders.  AND! Get this, his sister confesses to him THAT SHE IS IN LOVE WITH HIM. Before you go, “Ew, Hannah, I don’t want to hear about this incest crap.” I will tell you that they are not biologically related so while its still a bit fucked, its not as messed up as if they were biological.  

Needless to say, Dexter has got a lot going on.  The worst part? These relationships, especially the last few, seem so promising.  They’re so in love and it makes you feel all gushy and warm inside because you can’t help but think, “Oh, maybe if he finds the right woman he’ll stop killing people and he’ll finally be whole!” As far as I know, that is just not in the cards for Dexter.  The lovey part of this makes me feel some type of way, I guess.  I didn’t chose this show to watch for the love story aspect; I just really like shows about serial killers (I wonder what that says about my subconscious…yikes). But now I’m hooked because Netflix really be like that. 

ANYWAY I’m rambling now.  But, my point being, he is so in love with these women that it makes me long to feel loved that way. Except, its like the Tragic Hero trope. I would never want to be in that relationship because it clearly is flawed from the start.  HE’S A SERIAL KILLER.  I would never want to be in a relationship that was inevitably doomed from the start, and while that may seem obvious, I find that this commonly occurs in romantic comedies. 

So why do I hate romantic comedies? Because they are unrealistic, cheesy or I hate the woman in the relationship because she is just so unrealistic that I get fired up about unrealistic beauty standards. Honestly? The same goes for men.  I don’t find the men to be realistic either, and before you tell me I’m just being pessimistic, I’m here to tell you that I am not.  These characters are hand crafted to be what people want to see. They are built to be what people want to see or to fit the hand crafted love story, even if it is a tragic love story that somehow still gets to you.  The only active relationship I genuinely envy is Chip and Joanna Gaines, because I just love them, ugh! They’re so cute and 7 out of 10 times, Joanna is just fed up with Chip’s shit and that right there is realistic.  Truly, I love my relationship and wouldn’t trade it for any other relationship in this world, real or fake.  

Make Normal Items Romantic Again

When my parents got married (they are now divorced, but this still applies), they were trying to figure out where to register their gift registry. My dad jokingly provided Sears as an answer, thinking that would be ridiculous. My mom looked at him dead in the eye and said, “If the guests can buy us all of our new appliances, why shouldn’t we?” I think that the ability to choose Sears for their wedding registry was one of the most romantic gifts my father gave her.  

When David Sedaris bought his husband, Hugh, a real skeleton in the chapter "Memento Mori" (150-153), I realized how romantic this was for him. Not to say that buying a skeleton is the way to my heart (because it isn’t—don’t even entertain the thought), but the fact that he bought something he knew his husband wanted, even if the object in question was probably procured by devious means, was incredibly sweet. Yes, yes, I know I shouldn’t assume that the skeleton wasn’t voluntarily given to the store—for all we know, it was someone’s last wish that their bones be sold for profit (even three-hundred years ago, which I believe would have been the early 1700s).  

But that’s not my point. 

Romantic gestures tend to be advertised a certain way. Chocolates, wine, and flower arrangements are marketed towards couples in their mid to late thirties; risqué items such as lingerie and sex toys are marketed towards younger couples in their twenties and maybe early thirties; anyone between the ages of 50-70 are encouraged to partake in a romantic cruise in the coldest parts of the planet; and of course, the infamous valentine’s day cards used in schools across the country are primarily for small children with candy taped to the inside of them (which aren’t inherently romantic unless you’re a hopeless romantic and believe your elementary school crush gave you a valentine because he liked you, even though he had to give everyone in the class one, so what makes you so special? Even though you definitely gave him more candy inside the valentine, did anything come of it? No, because why would it?). 

Wow, I’m really not on topic today, am I?  

To get back to the point I was trying to convey, there’s something missing from this entire idea of romantic gestures. Gifts like portable vacuums, vases with dragon designs, replacement screwdrivers for your tool kit, and human skeletons are so specific that they can’t be marketed to a large enough audience. Cruises, flowers, and chocolates are all generic enough that companies can find large enough audiences that will buy their products. Toolkits are associated more with Father’s Day gifts, even though I know for a fact that even if your dad does use tools, he will not use the tool you bought him until the one he already has breaks (not if it goes missing, though because there is still hope that it’s around that garage somewhere!); furniture is for people to buy themselves or for house warmings, not because your romantic partner really wants a table specifically for Monopoly or card games; and getting your partner a “As Seen on TV” item doesn’t seem like a good idea because it seems impersonal. 

I challenge everyone reading this post to come up with three items you really want and think about how you would feel if your romantic partner or romantic interest bought you those items. Yeah, that feels pretty good, huh? It’s swoon-worthy. I refuse to bat an eye when someone gives me flowers, but if that same person gave me a bag of kiwis, a large bowl of (gluten-free) pad thai, and a back massage, then maybe I’d think about our relationship differently. 

An agonizing, terrible, no good day

            I’ve tried my best to complete this blog post all day long. I just haven’t had any time to. My day started off with me waking up, and being told by my grandpa that my insurance was terminated. Excuse me, what?! A little back story here. December 23^rd, 2019 I got severely sick. I passed out in the middle of the night walking back from the bathroom, and had to go to the doctor early the next morning. While I was there they did a urine test, a pregnancy test, and they shot me up with some Phenergan. Turns out I had a virus, and I was severely dehydrated because I wasn’t able to keep anything down. I was so dehydrated that if I didn’t get fluids in me immediately I would need to be hooked up to an IV. One shot of nausea medicine later, I was being woken up by my grandma every hour, on the hour, to down some Gatorade, and sleep the day away. Flash forward to yesterday, I get a bill for $260 saying my insurance company hasn’t covered anything. While I was still asleep this morning my grandfather went to my doctor’s office, to make sure I remembered to update my insurance information when I was there in December. The nice receptionist lady ran the information through again, only for it to come up as insurance terminated. I wake up, and am just starting to chow down on a bowl of cereal, when my grandpa comes in and breaks the news to me. Needless to say, I didn’t finish the cereal. I was too busy sweating from anxiety because I suddenly needed health insurance.

The worst possible case scenarios started running through my mind. Did my father stop paying for health insurance? Did he remove me off of his policy? I was livid. My anxiety quickly turned to anger. He pays for nothing for me and hasn’t in ten years, the least he can pay is my health insurance. It’s the only time I even went to the doctor last year. I cost him no money, and he must have a family plan either way, so he isn’t going to save any money by removing me. I believed he’d terminated my insurance somehow and not even had the decency to tell me.

 He was at work until 2:30, which meant I couldn’t even talk about it with him until then. I spent the entire day severely sick to my stomach, wondering how I could possibly afford health insurance, and looking at options. When I finally got to talk to him about it he explained that I had not been removed and that he was still paying his health insurance. He even showed me the bill for this months, and proceeded to call his representative for our health insurance company. I felt relieved, that he hadn’t screwed me over, and then I felt sad that I had even accused him of it. More so, that he had done so many things up to that point that my first conclusion was, he’d messed up again.

It made me think of the readings we’ve done this week about David Sedaris and how different his father is from mine.  In “Road Trips” he talked about how, “it was my father who rallied the neighbors and initiated a campaign to plant maples along the side of the road” (Sedaris 61). Sedaris had a strained relationship with his father, just as I do with mine, but at least he had the kind of father who he could be proud of at times. It’s clear from the readings he and his father disagreed on a lot of things, but I doubt Sedaris ever had to worry about his father paying his health insurance. Trust me, it’s a terrifying feeling.

               After talking to my father about what happened I still had to wait an agonizing two hours before we heard anything. Eventually we heard back from the insurance company, and found out that I do still have health insurance, and am still covered. They aren’t completely sure what happened, potentially that my doctor’s office is out of network. That would’ve been nice to know before I went, but I’ll take that bill over having to pay $800 a month for health insurance. I’ve decided the best thing for me to do is go to bed early, and hope I don’t spend all day tomorrow with a massive headache, and have less anxiety.

Sarah Palin is the new Sir Mix a Lot

      *If you are currently watching the Masked Singer there are spoilers ahead*

   So... for those that do not know, Masked Singer is a TV show that invites celebrities to dress up like giant furries and sing to a crowd who has to guess their identity. It's incredible. You should watch it, its on Hulu. For those that do not have Hulu, PLEASE watch this link before proceeding.

   https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sarah-palin-bear-the-masked-singer-rap-baby-got-back/

   Now for those of you that read that and went eh.. not gonna do that, you're in luck I have photos. As we all know, Sarah Palin was on SNL where she was on a skit with Amy Poehler who made a joke about Palin rapping. Amy brought down the house with her 8 month pregnant rapping routine.

   Fast forward quite a bit, and here we are. Sarah Palin in a hot pink bear costume, singing BABY GOT BACK..

                            BABY..

                                  GOT......

                                      BACK

     SO, let that sink in. I am trying to have a quiet Thursday night at home with my box of rip off thin mint (Grasshoppers by Keebler), cuddling with my cat watching the Masked Singer. When SARAH F-ING PALIN! Gets unmasked after rapping about thick butts.

      It was so bad ass, I laughed for a straight hour and obtained at least a six pack. That I quickly resurrected with my box of thin mints. It was great to see a politician let loose, but the best part is THEY THOUGHT IT WAS TINA FEY. HOW FREAKING IRONIC IS THAT. I loved that I now know the background behind Sarah Palin and Tina Fey after reading Bossy Pants. It made this experience even better.

      Legit, she got unmasked and they went ITS TINA FEY *insert buzzer sound from classic Hockey movie* Wrongo! Its THE FREAKING GOVERNOR OF ALASKA SINGING BOUT BOOTY. And for those wondering, yes, she says she wants to stick it. 

    Please, just go watch this. We will have so much time in quarantine you have to see this, its incredible. Thank you for reading my irrelevant post, enjoy these pictures I will now post. Thanks!

A Day Without Us

PSA: I'm sorry to bring EVEN MORE negativity to the world at a time like now but I thought that this article should be shared 

It’s hard to imagine a world without women, and I mean all women. Not only the stay at home mom with five children or the courageous female politicians who stand up for our rights, but all of the women on the planet just disappearing. I read an article today titled “Mexican Women Stay Home To Protest Femicides In 'A Day Without Us'” and it made me think about the influence that women hold.

So, a summary of the article:

Mexican women of all ages skipped school, work, and other public events by staying home in protest of the “femicide” occurring in Mexico. The term “femicide” refers to the numerous killings of women throughout their country. The article states that “femicides have increased 137% over the last five years, four times more than the general homicide rate.” (article) The protests made the country consider their culture without women as 40% of the workplace was gone and half of the classrooms were empty.

The protest by the women of Mexico helped bring some light to the femicide that their country is going through. With their absence from daily life, they were only then seen as significant. They wanted to prove that female half of the country is needed in order for life to go on in their societies. The murders of women throughout the country should be taken more seriously and that female lives matter too. 

The protest wanted to give light to the thousands of female lives that are lost without reason or recognition. The article states that “Few cases are ever punished, with researchers from the University of San Diego saying women's murderers are treated with ‘systemic impunity.’”. This statement made me grateful for the environment that we live in today and that the lives of women are treated with decency. Ten women are murdered a day in Mexico there has been little change in the system to help fight this statistic. I can only hope that the protests help to catalyze a solution to the femicide of Mexico.