Anti-Chris Brown Club

In Hannah Gadsby's Nanette, she covered a lot of ground. She only briefly mentioned what I'm going to write about, but it is something that has always bothered me. 

"Separate the artist from the art."

In her comedy special, she was speaking about Picasso and how just because he had sex with an underage girl doesn't mean you can't appreciate his cubism! Gadsby new this was bullshit and so do I. Here are the reasons I not only hate Chris Brown, but also his supporters.

When Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna, I was pretty young. As I grew up, I continued to listen to his music. I didn't know any better. When I stumbled upon the police report detailing everything that happened during the assault, I opened my Spotify, searched "Chris Brown," and unsaved all his music I had saved (Kaufman, 2009). 

In 2016, his ex-girlfriend Karrueche filed for a restraining order because he had pushed her down the stairs, punched her in the stomach, and threatened to shoot her because if he couldn't "have her" then nobody could (Jeltson, 2017). His supporters shared a picture of Karrueche doing yoga with captions like "Damn, do you see that ass? No wonder Breezy was ready to catch a case over her! I'd risk it all too!" 

He was accused of raping a woman in Paris in 2019 (Tsioulcas, 2019). His supporters fired back with "he is CHRIS BROWN. EVERY girl wants him. He wouldn't HAVE to rape someone! Duh!" Surely they can't be that stupid, but I have noticed a pattern with men in general: if the accused is their friend or someone they support, it couldn't have possibly happened. It's not their business. They're going to stay out of it. But that's a whole different blog post idea you all are welcome to use. 

Years later, Chris Brown came out with a documentary detailing his life. His supporters, again, were quick to say "See, he's just misunderstood. There's two sides to every story. He learned from his mistakes." 

Here is why that is bullshit: you shouldn't need to beat, rape, and threaten women before you learn not to do those things. They are not "mistakes." Filling in the wrong bubble on a scantron is a mistake. Hitting a stop sign is a mistake. Physical and sexual assault is not a mistake you make before learning not to do it again.

When R. Kelly was exposed as a disgusting predator, it only took me 30 seconds to unsave all the music in my Spotify that included him. I will gladly skip every song I used to consider a BOP if it is by men that hurt and disrespect women. I will not separate the artist from the art, because every time I stream those songs, they get money from my wallet. I am well aware that my one stream won't make much of a difference to their deep pockets, but it's the principle of the thing. I will not support it in any way, shape, or form. 

I hate Chris Brown. He should be in jail. The end.

Sources:

Jeltsen, Melissa. “Chris Brown's Ex Claims He Threatened To Kill Her.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 22 Feb. 2017, www.huffpost.com/entry/chris-browns-ex-claims-he-threatened-to-kill-her_n_58adbafde4b0d0a6ef46d9ef.

Kaufman, Gil. “Chris Brown Police Report Provides Details Of Altercation.” MTV News, 6 Mar. 2009, www.mtv.com/news/1606481/chris-brown-police-report-provides-details-of-altercation/.

Tsioulcas, Anastasia. “Chris Brown Arrested On Charges Of Rape In Paris.” NPR, NPR, 22 Jan. 2019, www.npr.org/2019/01/22/687346330/chris-brown-arrested-on-charges-of-rape-in-paris.

The Shame In And Of The Closet

Hi guys its Daisy Girl! <3 This week I’m going to talk about the part of Hannah Gadsbys “Nanette”, that I related to the most. This part starts about 59 minutes and 29 but there is also another segment at about 39 minutes. I will also be discussing my not so coming out story, and my coming out story. 

I realized at a very young age that I was different from most of the other people in my classes. I could see this because in the 5^th grade I saw that I was finding women attractive, just as I was men. I remember there was this one girl who I thought was really pretty, and I’m not going to lie to you I felt shameful of that, just as Gadsby does about her sexuality as we hear at about an hour into the show. 

By the time I had gotten to middle school a lot of my friends had come out. When I was about halfway through 8^thgrade I decided to come out to my mom and sister, or at least I thought I would. But when I tried to do it in the most creative way little 8^th grade me could. 

Listen guys, the most creative way I could think of was as follows: 

*Walks in on mom and sister talking about rainbows and unicorns* (My sister at this time was in 5^th grade and was literally obsessed with unicorns)

Me: I like to taste the rainbow on occasion.

*My mom looks at me confused* 

Mom: …

Sister: …

Me: …

*Mom realizes what it means*

Mom: You better be fucking joking me

Me: It was a joke I’m sorry 

*Everyone laughs*

Mind you my mom had at this point met all of my gay friends and she loved them, and knew they were gay. This to me means she was not okay with her kids being gay. Does this make her homophobic? I have no clue. To this day my mom still doesn’t know that I wasn’t really kidding. At 38 minutes and 50 seconds Gadsby’s mom tells her that she regrets raising her as though she were straight. I really felt that because I wonder if my mom would have that regret as well. My dad didn’t know I wasn’t completely straight either. I didn’t tell him because if I had told him, he would have told my mom. 

After this I felt so much shame just as Gadsby shares she does. I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to just forget about it. But how do you forget about something like that? The truth is you don’t, and you can’t. I still to this day have not forgotten, how my mom treated me. 

I came out to my sister when she was in about 7^th grade after that. She was very accepting. My sister is one of my best friends. If she would have responded the way my mom did, I don’t know what I would have done. 

After my parents separated this summer, I decided it was time I come out to my dad. However, I could never seem to do it. Every time I wanted to say something about it to him, my mouth opened, but nothing came out. I don’t know why this was happening, my dad is the best dad in the whole world!

Finally, this year, on CHRISTMAS, I finally got the courage to do it. But the bad thing is it was right before my sister and I were leaving for my mom’s house. I felt so bed because I kind of just blurted out to him “By the way, I’m bisexual…”

His response:

 

Coming out to him didn’t make me completely comfortable with who I am, but it was a step in the right direction, and I’m very happy that I did it. 

I think we can all learn something from Nanette

I’m going to be completely honest with you all: I had absolutely no idea what I was going to blog about for this week. And it’s not like I had a lot going on this week, so I had the time to come up with ideas. It was almost as if every idea I had in the past six weeks grew legs and walked out of my brain. But, after purchasing a net and attempting to catch every single one of them, I settled on the idea I have brought forth to you today.

I’m almost scared to ask. What on Earth did you come up with, then? Well, let me ask you all a question: who’s Nanette? Yeah, you heard me. Nanette, the title of the show, the supposed main story of the whole comedy special—Hannah Gadsby talked briefly about meeting her in a café (1:09-1:50) in Hannah Gadsby: Nanette. She was going to explain who Nanette was in greater detail, but then she moved to her next point of why she doesn’t like small towns. So who is she?

It’s a good thing I know how to use the Internet; otherwise, this would have been much more difficult.

Apparently, Gadsby explained to Variety that Nanette was a barista that worked at a café she visited once. “She was just an older lady who I would normally love to talk to, but because of what I represented, we didn’t,” she explained. While she admitted that she might have been wrong about her and merely projected what she thought was true, the occurrence was still significant enough for her to name the show after her. In the Netflix special there was no explanation of her, but in the live taping of the show, she explains who she is in greater detail (Aubrey).

Elana, how are you going to squeeze more out of this topic? You found out who Nanette was-now what? Are you going to search for every barista named Nanette in Australia until you find the exact same one that made Hannah feel terrible about herself? Are you going to out her to the public? Wait, is this about revenge? I’m so proud of you for going dark-side! I didn’t realize you had it in you! I’m glad you asked, voice in my head that severely doubts my ability to come up with conversation topics (also, tad bit violent there. Are you good?)! I actually want to talk about customer service.

What? Oh geez…

For those of you who aren’t aware, when I go back to Morgantown for long breaks, I work at a Panera as a line worker. This means I make the sandwiches and salads, serve the soups and pastas, and give extra cutlery and napkins even when I made sure the customer had them. As easy as this probably sounds, it’s not. Plenty of you reading this probably understand that food service jobs are stressful and exhausting: running around, standing on your feet, almost cutting your hands when you’re cutting things, almost burning yourself because you’re paying more attention to the order than your hands—it’s all part of the job. Even if you don’t work in food service, any type of job that requires pleasing the customer to the point that they will want to come back again is tiring and it can be draining.

But here’s the tricky part: you can’t let any customers see how tired and achey you are. No matter where you are in the café, you have to treat every customer with respect. So while I understand Nanette’s behavior was not appropriate for her job, we’ve all been there. You’ve been working several hours without a break, you haven’t had food since the day before, and you barely get any sleep; interactions with other human beings is a nightmare. You barely have control over yourself, but you have to be nice to people in order to keep your job. That isn’t to say Nanette wasn’t out of line-she definitely was. I’m just trying to see this encounter from both sides. Sure, Hannah must’ve felt pretty bad because the barista looked at her like she was a freak, and based on her identity, the feeling was probably much worse, but Nanette honestly probably thought, “Oh no, another order? I just need five minutes to sit and breathe! Why the hell did she even order anything?”

If there is one thing this audience should learn from this, it’s this: don’t assume anything. Hannah assumed the barista hated her because of who she was, but she admitted she could be wrong. Nanette might not actually hate lesbians—she might just hate her job…and people in general.

Works Cited

Aubrey, Sophie. “How a Scathing, Silent Cafe Interaction Inspired the Name of Hannah Gadsby's 'Nanette'.” Mamamia, Mamamia, 20 July 2018, www.mamamia.com.au/why-is-nanette-called-nanette/.

Half and Half Comedy

One of the things I learned this week is that comedy is constantly evolving. There’s the original stand-up comedy, writing comedically, comical movies and shows, and now podcasts. There’s also a form of comedy that isn’t always comedy. I’ve decided to call it half-and-half comedy. You know, like  half-and-half for your coffee, but instead of being milk and cream, it’s comedy and seriousness.

Jenny Slate and Hannah Gadsby are the reigning queens of half-and-half. They couldn’t be more different seeing as how one is a straight, Jewish female from the United States, and the other is a lesbian woman from Australia. However, they both did something similar; they changed the way we view stand-up comedy. In Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright, we see a side of her we haven’t seen before. It’s a side I definitely didn’t expect to see in her stand-up comedy show. She does something that no one I’ve seen has done before. Slate adds these home videos, intertwined with her comedy bits, that build off of, or lead up to the videos. She mixes her comedy sketches with the comedy of her family, and introduces us to them. In it there’s a cut scene where it shows her being interviewed, and she’s talking about her stage fright. Slate says, “Will they like me? And I know that they will once I start to talk, but I don’t earn the love unless I give something beautiful that goes out. So, my stage fright comes from a deeper thing of like, of exchange” (46:51 - 47:14). As she’s saying this she starts crying, and suddenly you don’t feel like laughing anymore. I think this is really important because she’s giving you an insight to how comedians can be vulnerable too, and she is.

Hannah Gadsby does the same thing in her show Nanette. She starts off with jokes that make you laugh so hard you’re crying, and ends so seriously that you’re crying again. Only they aren’t happy tears this time, they’re sad and angry tears. The whole show she eludes to how comedy is no longer for her, but you don’t know where she’s going with that until she actually gets there. About half-way through the show Gadsby tells us a story about an ignorant man who almost beat her up. She makes a joke out of it and everyone laughs, but we don’t realize until almost the end of the show that we were laughing at her expense. Gadsby says, “Remember that story I told about the young man who almost beat me up. It was a very funny story; it was very funny… I actually am pretty good at controlling the tension, and I know how to balance that to get the laugh at the right place. But in order to balance the tension in the room with that story, I couldn’t tell that story as it actually happened” (59:08 - 59:32). She tells us afterwards that the man did in fact beat her up. At this point everyone has gone dead silent because they’ve realized what they’ve done. We laughed about a joke that we should have never laughed at. Gadsby continues this tone of seriousness for the last nine minutes of her show, making you constantly wonder when the next joke will be. I was honestly shocked when she ended it the way she did. I sat there thinking, but wait where’s the joke, and when she came back out to bow I was certain she’d tell one. However, she knew if she did then the lesson she’d just taught us would be forgotten, and that was much more important than any comic relief she could have given us.

Technically I guess I’ve learned three things this week. The first is that comedy is always evolving. The second Slate taught me which is, you can be a funny person and still be vulnerable. The third thing I learned came from Gadsby which is, you can be funny and still teach people an important lesson. Her story needed to be heard and she told it beautifully. Thanks to these two women, I feel like I can go out into the world and be less afraid to be vulnerable, and help spread awareness of how easy it is to treat others with kindness.

                                                                                                          

Photo Credit: http://www.clipartbest.com/search?q=serious+face

We need more Hannah Gadsbys

As I watched the Hannah Gadsby special, “Nanette”, in class, I had to take a second to evaluate all of the information that she had given to us. Even though she was a gay woman, I felt as though there were themes that could resonate with anybody. She had a way of performing that could truly hit you exactly where she wanted it to. All of her struggles seemed to be painted within the laughs and punchlines throughout the show to eventually give evidence to the final half. Her messaged at the end seemed to be clear. She did not want to spread hate or anger, just awareness that people experience traumatic experiences from other people. She wanted a change. “Nanette” inspired me to want a change. Not only for the “different” but for the ones that blend in. Whether you are straight, gay, black, white, male, female, etc. everybody needs help.

It’s a shame that many men feel as though they can’t be the victim in an abusive relationship just because of their gender or that a black individual must keep their voice down to be heard. The world should learn to accept the problems of any person in order to create awareness. Gay individuals should feel less shame from sharing their assault stories in order to give themselves power. I’m sure that “Nanette” changed more lives than just mine and will continue to do so. We must thank the progressive individuals like Hannah that become the catalyst for change in society.

My heart goes out to the people that have affected by the ignorance or hatred of another. I had never heard about internalized homophobia before Gadsby’s special and opened my eyes to similar concepts. Do other groups of individuals through this too? How many people are in pain from how society views them? I could not imagine the toles that it takes to get through every day as somebody who hates themselves. I think a solution to these issues lies with Gadsby and the other amazing humans that share their stories. People are able to feel noticed and understood when they hear somebody living the same life. They sacrifice their privacy to bring reassurance to the lives of many and that is truly something to pay tribute to.  

Can you point to Ukraine on a map, ma'am?

So just a brief discussion on my guilty pleasure before I begin my discussion. So... I love NPR. I know this makes me sound like a boring old woman, but you all need to get hip! If you are not already fans, you must know that it has a little bit of something for everyone-news, sports, comedy, music, etc. It is my go to source for updates on the news when I'm driving back and forth from school. Radio is not dead people! Even if I am the sole listener, it still must be alive!!

The other day I heard a story that made me feel lots of emotions all at once. Do you all know who our Secretary of State is? His name is Mike Pompeo. This guy is at the center of key issues in Washington and is an important player in our relationship with Iran. Usually at this point people tend to tune out because foreign policy can be a long-winded snooze-fest. However, things got juicy during an interview with Pompeo and Mary Louise Kelly, co-host of All Things Considered. This was going down around the time of the impeachment investigations and a lot of banter was tossed around of the subject of Trump and his cronies. To avoid boring you with stuff about Yovonavitch surveillance, the Ukraine call, and the COVER UP OF IT ALL. I will skip to the (more juicy?) part. Kelly conducts her interview per her normal routine and asks questions about Ukraine policy and immediately after the questioning Pompeo stood, leaned in and silently glared at Kelly for several seconds before leaving the room.
....... okay, now that is just sleazyyyyyy.

A few moments later, an aide asked Kelly to follow her into Pompeo's private living room at the State Department, WITHOUT A RECORDER. Excuse me, what?? I am now worried for her life. The aide did not say the ensuing exchange would be off the record. So, it is not off the goddamn record. Inside the room, Pompeo shouted at her for asking him questions he didn't want to answer and asked Kelly to identify the country on a map, which she did. BECAUSE SHE IS NPR HOST MARY LOUISE KELLY. Also, who just keeps a blank map in their private living room? He used repeated expletives, according to Kelly, and asked, "Do you think Americans give a fuck about Ukraine?"

Secretary of (Hate) Heyooooo

Kelly went on and did the right thing, and blasted him on her radio show for being a total d-bag. She talks about how she has email receipts with his press secretary confirming the questions she would ask, and yes they did include Ukraine. Pompeo did the only thing he knows how and responded again with another hateful blast:

"NPR reporter Mary Louise Kelly lied to me, twice. First, last month, in setting up our interview and, then again yesterday, in agreeing to have our post-interview conversation off the record. It is shameful that this reporter chose to violate the basic rules of journalism and decency. This is another example of how unhinged the media has become in its quest to hurt President Trump and this Administration. It is no wonder that the American people distrust many in the media when they so consistently demonstrate their agenda and their absence of integrity.
It is worth noting that Bangladesh is NOT Ukraine." -Mike Pompeo

So the dispute came down to an ethical debate on the legitimacy of the off the record verbal agreement. What he regrets is the fact that everyone knows that he is a total jerk, and we have her word against his. Not only is this a discussion of the ugly relationship between the White House and the media, but the ugly relationship of those who reside within that White House treat women. He attempted to assert dominance over her by pulling her aside to reprimand and degrade. It is just disgusting. Kelly responded to the whole thing on another episode with her co-host. She said, "I prefer to let the interview and our journalism speak for themselves." There is no reason to ignore that this interaction is a result of institutionalized misogyny. This is going on when you think no one is listening.This is why we need to listen to NPR, this is something you don't want to miss.

"Ha, it's fine." - NO IT'S NOT.

So, let me start by relating this subject to class somehow before I go off on my rant and lose all sense of why my argument matters.

And yes, I'm incredibly frustrated.

...

Okay, status update: this class has officially made me into an angry hothead. I've been listening to 2 Dope Queens nonstop every day now, I'm officially all "EFF THE PATRIARCHY," and I'm just MAD. I analyze (maybe over-analyze, or maybe under-analyze??) everything my brother, boyfriend, and dad say and do, and my frustration hasn't even reached its limit yet.

Basically, I feel like I'm #woke and I see all the ways I don't defend myself against mens' bullshiz (also, yes, I try not to curse guys, and no, I won't apologize or explain myself). And, as I've been super hyper-aware of my actions and men's actions, I discovered my potentially most toxic trait.

So, my boyfriend made me mad at Wingstop. He tried to correct me on something, then I checked and found out I was right (LOL), and I was mad about something else already. Then he tried to check on me since I was visibly mad. This was the moment. The. Moment. ... I realized in that moment that if I just said the magic words "It's fine," he'd stop asking about what was wrong. If I could say that combined with the most lovey-dovey expression on my face, he would stop being worried about why I was mad.

Because it would let him off the hook.

Let me explain: I realized that I have a tendency to say "It's fine" in order to appease men. For example: you tried to make me sound dumb? It's fine. You made me stay an hour after work for stupid stuff? It's fine. You didn't text me back about our important plans because you're playing World of Warcraft again? It's fine. You called me out for eating a lot (compared to other WOMEN, NOT MEN)? It's fine.

Okay, honestly, I may say this to appease other women, too. But when talking to women, it's definitely easier to not say "It's fine" because we're equals in that sense. I am allowed to explain myself to women. For men? It brings me back to Regina Barreca and when she explained that women use self-deprecation in order to not make men feel nervous or threatened (24). However, this need to "not make men feel nervous or threatened" extends not only to humor but to LIFE.

Men are at the top of the pyramid and are generally physically strong enough to rape/murder women. Also, their voices are generally louder and their authority is generally greater. So, yeah, of course women don't try to make men feel threatened. Because then that's basically "reckless endangerment", as in their life could be endangered.

I wish life was all "Who run the world? GIRLS." But, no - we live in a patriarchy where women feel threatened daily! In fact, I live in fear of getting raped - no joke. Exhibit A: One of my jobs is at a truck repair shop where truckers and mechanics go dayssssss (or even weeks) without seeing a female. That is, until they see me - a cutie young lady whose body screams "weak." The odds are against me, and I'm on the verge of flashing every male that breathes at me a peek at my pepper spray. (No joke, as I'm writing this, tonight I was scared to even walk 10 feet to my car because the men I interact with are sleezy and would love some of the Filipino flavor I'm dripping.)

So, all of this ranting is to say let men feel threatened by me. I'm never saying "It's fine" just to make men feel comfortable ever. again. Because I will NEVER feel comfortable, safe, un-threatened by men. If I can't physically defend myself against men, at the very least I can verbally defend myself and explain to them why they behave like butt holes on the daily. It's all I can do, but at least it's a start.

Thank you for enjoying my rant.
(Also, sorry if any women are potentially insulted by me making light of me possibly getting raped. It is truly a legitimate fear of mine, I worry about it every other second, and me joking about it is so I can downplay how extremely fearful I am. No joke, I need a self-defense class like I need air to breathe - something needs to change if I will ever feel safe as a girl.)

Barreca, Regina. They Used to Call Me Snow White...But I Drifted: Women's Strategic Use of Humor. Penguin Books, 1992.